12.05.2009

CoIndependantly Happy



We all sit here, claiming to be free thinkers and self sufficient. All of us, at some point, have said our happiness does not depend from another person in our life doing this or that.

On the other hand, some of us do have this need or feeling of attachment that doesn't allow us to even smile throughout the day unless the other person makes an appearance.

Which side is right? Which is wrong? Both are unhealthy I suppose.

No man is an island, it was once said. We all need of others at one point or another, even when we fancy ourselves utterly capable of handling any hurdle that comes our way with a "Puh! Who needs them anyways?!" attitude. Sure you can push everyone away, and claim to be an autonomous soul...but no one can survive the loneliness that eventually touches us all at some point in life.

On the other hand, are we really that insecure that we need other people's constant praise and attention in order to feel like we're someone? Does it drive us to be someone we are not just to seek their approval? Sometimes those people can't even crack a smile or feel lucky about anything at ALL in their life (even though they have a lot more than they think they do) unless they talk to hat person they feel dependent on. How will you ever become your own person if all your decisions and moods are affected by just one person? How will you survive, if/when they leave you, if they were every aspect of your life?

I think it's a little bit of both. A nice little balance in between them. I will not sit here and deny that sometimes, I'm feeling low and I think about someone or miss them a little more than I should. It almost seems like the day is not complete until I hear from them, even if it's a short hello. It makes my mood soar and I find myself smiling while staring off into nothingness. At the same time, I will not deny, that I do not like feeling smothered or like I have to spend ALL my time with them. We all need moments of solitude, moments to think to ourselves and make the best decisions for us. It is unreasonable to think we need to be joined at the hip for everything, being in each others faces and personal space sucking the joy out of a balanced relationship.

This applies to both romantic relationships AND friendships. I'm just trying to say...I miss you during the day sometimes, but I refuse to make that the reason for my unhappiness. I'm just trying to say...I love receiving messages during the day that show me I'm in ya'lls thoughts, but I refuse to make myself accustomed to those and consider them a daily expectation.

But what I'm really trying to say is...sure I might like to lounge around and cuddle up watching a movie; but when it's time to sleep, you better stop hoggin my goddamn pillow and stealing my damned blanket.

"You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do."

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