California Road Trip 08

Ahh...the highlights of my fateful trip to California. I did not abandon you my reader, for you are on my every thought. Did that make your day? I hope it did because I'm all out of fuzzies.

Anylongasstrip, as a very few of you knew...this was my first time in California. My first time past El Paso, TX to be honest. For all I knew, only sand and cactus reigned beyond that...oh wait, it did. It started innocently enough, and I can't tell you how excited I was when we passed El Paso at 10:30 p.m. You'd swear that I could actually see anything outside my window at night time. So then, we trudged on. First pass Las Cruces, NM...and I was so overwhelmed about getting to California already that we decided to go non stop. It all sounded fantastic until 5 a.m. hit...and we were both spent from driving. It got to the point where it didn't matter whose turn it was to drive because we were both swirving and falling asleep at the wheel.

Nonetheless, we made it to Fontana, CA at 9 a.m. the next day. Nauseous, with huge bags under our eyes, hair looking like a dead possum (we saw quite a few on the way so the comparison is accurate) and just...ready to take over California. I look out the window and my joy when I see the palm trees turned into absolute horror when I realized...there is SNOW on top of the mountains. Yeah, yeah...it LOOKS beautiful but dammit didnt ya'll tell me it was beautiful in SoCal year round?! I'm all expecting warmer temps but no, the snow and rain have arrived in SoCal along with Yari.

My trip was uneventful for the most part. So here are my top things:

#1) Traffic in California is not for the faint of heart. I've never been so close to death for a continuous duration of 4+ days. Wtf happened to your signals people?? How many freeways do ya'll need? It took us 4 different freeways to get anywhere!

#2) All the main spots I wanted to hit, we only saw about 2 and at night time. Do NOT get me started.

#3) In N Out and Carl Jr.'s are smart to stay away from Odessa...or should I say I am the lucky one? I would devour countless burgers every day from both places and have a massive coronary at 25.

#4) Pinks in Hollywood absolutely owns my soul. Any place that has pastrami added to a burger and hot dog that is already loaded with bacon and cheese is the closest thing to heaven on earth. No matter how long the line...I wept with the deliciousness of it all.

#5) California is aboslutely beatiful. People that live there complain of traffic, and act like they live nowhere special. Please, jackasses, come here to Odessa Texas and THEN talk about how California is 'no big deal'. Your beaches, sunsets, food, people, freeways (deadly yes!), malls, homes, mountains, palm trees, entertainment has NO parallel.

#6) For those of you who wondered...no Rob Pattinson was not in Los Angeles when I was there. The universe works in mysterious ways. If I would've seen him I would've never recovered. I still love him with every fiber inside me. He will never know I exist, and it is better that way. I would scare him away with my involuntary drooling and stuttering at his mere presence.

#7) I have amazing friends. This trip was just...fenomenal because of them. Although I must say, the whole "I'm so comfortable with you that I'm farting in your face" stage we reached in this trip is killing me. My nose is permanently possessed with the smell of rotten pastrami and ass.

Overall, the drive back was very peaceful. I enjoyed the trip very much and look forward to returning to California. I felt at home. I felt happy and alive. I felt like I fit in that enviroment. More than in Pennsylvania, almost as much as in Puerto Rico.

The City of Angels...what a place...what a place.

Holy Crow

It's Xmas 2008, and I really don't hear much all day at work except Christmas songs...over...and over...and freakin over. Have any of ya'll actually paid attention to any of these songs????

So the guy sees you when your sleeping...knows when you're awake?! Is it just me or is Santa a tad bit on the creepy side. The idea alone of a big old bushy beard fat guy wearing a red fuzzy suit watching you sleep is enough to raise all pedophile flags available...and this is a jolly holiday song?!

Which brings me to my next holiday classic...Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Do you even need to know the lyrics to that to even feel depressed? Aww how cute, my lil grandmother coming over to visit and WHAM! Trampled to death by a woodland creature.

Last but not least, yes, you know I'm going there. Everyone's Jackson 5 classic, where he sees his mom kissing Santa Clause. Do I even need to begin dissecting the perturbed image of a child seeing his mother heaving and humping the dude that is supposed to be bringing peace, joy and toys? Maybe...well momma needed her own lil joy and toy this christmas. This year it was momma's turn to sit on jollybeard's lap. Maybe some heavy pettin in the back of the sleigh?

I'm serious! Are people so self absorbed by this ridiculous and ludicrous holiday to even pay attention to what they are celebrating and being happy about? So this holiday season, let's celebrate stalkers and homicides in the forest! Tis the season ya'll...tis the season.

Sexy Season...*howls*

To Be or Not To Pee

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a great movie...absolutely great.

You see, don't you wish you had that ability somehow? To erase that one person and all the events and memories sorrouding them from your memory forever? In your mind never more, in your dreams eternally absent. But, if that person were gone, would you be the same person you are today?

Just like in his case, what if that person is so deeply rooted inside us that it will be virtually impossible to delete them. As much as it hurts, it is so...soo sweet to forever be able to remember the things about that person that drove you crazy. It's almost like a dream world you can escape to when you feel cold or lonely. Just close your eyes and there they are again, in all their glory. The voice still resounding in your head...their eyes and smile so picture perfect. You even get to edit your memories and not even focus on the bad side of them...why ruin the dream world?

I strongly believe...that whoever becomes your soulmate in life, does not necessarily have to be your significant other. That, ye people, is a beautiful thing. Because not only do you get to have someone you love as your partner for the rest of your life...but you also get to have another soul in this world that will understand you and love you in an entirely different way. This other person will complete you in a way nobody else can. It can be same or opposite sex, but your soul mate will bring you inner peace no other can.

Does that mean you dont love your significant other? Or that you love your soul mate more? No no no...simmah down nah! I'm just saying they are 2 kinds of love. Both powerful, both fulfilling...and both a crucial part of these few breaths we take on earth. Somewhere out there, my soulmate and yours is waiting to be found. It will be beautiful whenever everyone can open their eyes to this truth...and not fall into the lies and traps of 'jealousy'.

To a very special reader, I love you more than words can ever express. If anything this blog is for you since you are the only one reading it. You are the rock of my life, my life saver in the middle of a storm, that comet that lights the night sky long enough to blind you in a way that you will never see the stars the same way again. Thank you for picking me, for loving me unconditionally and for being a vampire when nobody else understood me. We are in this forever, and thank you for loving me so much that you understand my soul mate predicament. ha!

So go out people...put out your Soul Mate Wanted signs! Kick back and relax...when you find it, you will be alive for the first time in your life.