The Reason Is You

This morning I watched you sleep, as I got dressed for work. I just couldn't believe you were there. I couldn't believe I had just met you 3 days ago. In those few minutes I watched you sleep, I remembered picking you up at the airport and not feeling nervous at all. As if I'd known you all my life, we hugged and you slid into the front seat of my car like routine habit. Our converstion flowed easily...

You made me feel beautiful and happy. Our hugs completed me. Your smile, laugh...eyes...everything was so unbelievably real to me. You reminded me of what it's like to open your heart to someone who is a true friend.

Hence, I cried. I cried before I picked you up to take you back to the airport. I had a knot in my throat the whole way there...We rode silently down the highway. Both of us wanted to keep on going...thelma and louise. I was gonna miss you. I was right. I tried not to cry when you hugged me goodbye. I tried not to sit in my car for the following 20 minutes in front of the terminal crying...I tried not to cry through my short lunch on my way back to work. It all failed. You were gone. The car was empty. I was having a strawberry milkshake, and it made me miss you more.

Thank you for existing. See you soon. I love you.

Free Fallin'

I’m being brave, reckless tonight,
Throwing all caution to the wind
Ready to put up a hell of a fight,
Hoping to God that this time I win.

This eve has no room for fear
Who cares what the future brings?
A grin is stretched from ear to ear
A heart’s alive, and this heart sings.

I’m taking the leap, risking it all
Opening my chest, to let you in.
Do not be afraid, let yourself fall
I’ve opened the door, won’t you come in?

Do you see it too? Look at our sky,
On this nervous night, all stars shine.
Pick one, I’ll get it…I think I can fly
A starlight bouquet, for he who is mine.

Today, for me, there’s no holding back
I sit here beside you, filling the gaps.
Asking that you overlook all I lack,

Just give me the chance, a quiet ‘perhaps’.

-Yari 09

Lifeguard Needed

last night i had a dream

and in it, all joy had left the world

empty cries, broken eyes

last night? i didn't even sleep!

i've been hearing voices, screams,

my bed feels like a turbulent ocean

i fight to free myself, to take a breath

the dawn breaks, i cannot see light.

its been months now, shell of myself,

i chase a familiar shadow, it slips away

if all hope is dead? why do i feel it

still beating forcefully, louder every nite?

The world is broken, I can't fix it

The birds no longer sing, oh!

This is not the end of things,

Just the end of anther cycle for me.

Tomorrow will be better,

Tomorrow will be worse.

But at least there's a tomorrow,

and you're in it. Don't leave.

Man On The Moon

I went home for lunch.

Spent 2 hours of quiet, curled up on the bed, halfway between falling asleep and making sure I wasn't late coming back to work. My room was so cold...it was so bright. Those of you who talked to me during lunch know I've been feeling a lil down on myself lately. Trying to get over this funk, to be Yari again and be the comic relief. Today was definately better than yesterday. Little things that make your day better.

Of course my lunch time was over too soon, so I hop in the car and listen to a few songs that make me feel hopeful, mushy. Of course anyone who knows me, knows I'm a total sucker for certain songs, and hell yes I'll admit I cried all the way to McDonald's (i THINK they were happy tears), and order a salad...because...a burger would've made my tummy a mess. So as I sit there waiting in the drive-thru my mind goes warp speed through a million things: gotta get outta this funk, gonna do something fun this weekend, gotta calm down and enjoy the ride, man i don't feel like working, wtf is that lady wearing?, mmm burgers ugh why did i order a salad, man i hope the mouse is dead when i get home, what am i gonna cook for dinner, *looks at cell phone* *sighs*, i miss kelly, i wanna go back home and play guitar, god i cant wait till payday, man i gotta pay rent, crap i could use a drink or 20, i shouldnt really drink and i should take my diabetes meds, im gonna die young, why isn't this line moving?, i gotta book that flight to vegas-are we still on?, god i better get money in at work or doc's gonna skin me alive, why am i still sniffly?, my boobs look awesome today, oh where's the money?! *pays cashier*, great now another 20 minutes for my food, i should go walk in the park, i wanna have a conf tonite-private one?, i wonder if i have enough money in the bank, oh hey! we're moving! im next!, god i bet she's gonna screw up the drink DIET DIET DIET coke!, my hair is so short, man i gotta hang out with mom, god i gotta call arelys...and lisa...and becky...and cathy, im a crappy friend, god im happy, man im sad.

Then, its finally my turn, my glorious turn. Time stops...as I pull up to the window, all my worries are gone for a few seconds while she hands me my lunch. It is in this exact moment, that I realize, maybe I'm not the only one with shit in my head...because out of little old mexican lady's mouth I hear the following words: "This is the mind boggling question of my day. How can we put a man on the moon...but CocaCola can't make drinks that ARENT fizzy??!!'...she says as she wipes down my cup of soda that apparently sprayed all over her.

There it is. Ladies and gentlemen. The planet on the verge of chaos, me worrying over nothing really...and she's wondering why the soda is fizzy. She manages to leave me speechless. I've stopped sniffling. I am in utter disbelief. Did I just hear that right? She laughs and says "have a good day, come back soon!"...I'm still shaking my head trying to make sense of her question...I pull out into traffic still mulling over those words. WTF is she TALKING about?! I open my straw, and with almost extreme giddiness I slide it in my uber gigantic foam cup. Here it is...my Diet Coke fix...fuck her and her statement. I take a sip.....taste taste ahhhh.....errrmmm.....

She gave me a regular Coke. Son of a bitch.

Bubble Trouble

I swallowed a piece of gum today.

One second you're chewing along, enjoying minty flavor explosions-like tiny orgasms-in your mouth...the next you get this horrid feeling that you've lost all control. There it is, the struggle between the back/side of your tongue, battling for control of the slippery fiend trying to slide down into the depths of the unknown. For a second it almost looks like you're winning, you can feel the piece of mint goodness coming back up and then...there it is, slips down before you realize it's even happened.

Then that involuntary gag reflex appears, the one you get when you know you've swallowed something that wasn't supposed to be inside mouth any further than the back of your throat...I would make comparison's to something that sounds like gum but...oh wait. ANYWAYS, there you sit with this disgusted look on your face, feeling like someone just flushed your stomach with bleach...and in the back of your mind your mother's voice yelling "Did you swallow that gum?? What have I told you? Now it's gonna get stuck to your intestines and make a clump and you're shit's gonna back up and you're gonna die!"...All this from a piece of Trident?!

All of a sudden, it hits you. This isn't the first piece of gum you've swallowed, is it? I sit there panicking, counting in my head and pretty sure this is my 876th piece if swallowed. Not only that, now I'm wondering where all the foreign things I've swallowed are...sure I crapped that penny out when I was 5...but where was the paperclip? Where was the sewing needle? Then there was that Polly Pocket miniature god-this-might-as-well-be-an-ant doll...how many million watermelon seeds?? If my mom was right, I should have quite a watermelon patch growing inside my stomach by now! I knew I wasn't fat! Yeah! So what if I swallowed a fly once?! ...

I probably have a gigantic ball made out of chewing gum, seeds, needles and a fly living in my stomach...next to the poptart I had 20 minutes ago...

Hell with it, one day I'll fart a hell of a bubble eh? *chews on new piece of gum*