What is it about Monday's that embodies everything I loathe and not look forward to out of life. It's not like there's ever been a good Monday in the history of Yari.
I'm sitting here thinking really hard, back...waaay back. Maybe the have been better than average ones but for the most part Monday is my nemesis. I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights; meaning I've been up till around 4-6 a.m. every morning and then being at work by 9. I find that when I don't get enough sleep, I become increasingly emotional...nostalgic, melancholic, weepy...you get the picture. So!, the sadder I get in turn the less I sleep because I'm up over thinking things or missing ghosts that should remain buried in the past.
He asked me "Did somebody break your heart, Yari?" and I scoffed. What can one answer to that? We've all had heartbreak at one point or another, it's not the end of the world. We always manage to patch ourselves up and move on, to focus on what we do have instead of what we are slowly dying without. So I thought for a few seconds before replying with a resonating "YUP"...and opted for "lol we all have broken hearts". For it was the truth. It's not always about someone breaking your heart romantically...sometimes it's losing a loved one in death that breaks you beyond repair. It may have been a dream, goal you had almost at your reach that slipped away as you struggled to come to terms. But I decided to change the subject, no good could come from discussing woes of the soul. It's not the end, only the beginning.
So this morning, as I thought of that convo from the evening before and with the sun glaring angrily at me through my bugtastically smudged windshield, I faced evil Monday. I listened to italian pop songs and carefully drove through Odessa traffic, and the voice in my head vibrated with the same question over and over. HMM HMM I hum along and pull into the parking lot at work, right in front of the sink hole...maybe it'll suck me into another dimension and I'll avoid today. But no, I grumpily clocked in regretting immediately having not had a Diet Coke yet...it wouldn't be a good few seconds for whoever pissed me off first today, but it matters not. I always get angry and rant on twitter, never to anyone's face I guess. So I walk in and someone had, for some unknown reason, deemed it absolutely necessary to press random buttons on our server. So I walk in to this fiasco of computers crashing left and right, and people that have NO business being near anything electronic are STILL pressing buttons like she knows what she's doing. I kindly ask her to MOVE her ass aside (in softer, gentler words) and begin my hour long argument with machines.
I speak machine. Machines love me. So eventually I have everyone up and running...only to have the doctor unplug our network cards and reset our routers without letting anyone know. Now then, our software tends to lock up if you do something like that to it without fondling it the right way or buying it dinner first. Soo!!! After a few choice words with the boss man, and restoring our systems again...we're off to a grand work day, erm, it's lunch time...nothing accomplished. Great.
At lunch time I ran over a random sidewalk, it's ok I took it to the TXDOT or was it the City Maintenance crew?...and it's gonna make it. Maybe I wouldn't have strayed from road if I hadn't been hearing that soft voice vibrating the same question again...over and over in my head. I spend the whole lunch hour avoiding the answer to the question, and of course they would play the most depressing array of heartbreak songs at a freakin KFC of all places. Snot on my fried chicken...nice. "Will you SHUT UP ALREADY" I scream at the voice in my head. I look out the window and sigh. Shove my food away, it repulses me. Still have a whole afternoon ahead...
I get back to the office humming "You and I" by Jason Mraz in my head and I feel like punching myself for being stuck on that song for the last 9 days. I feel like telling my head, "Do not trust a hope, it is forsaken in these lands"...how Tolkien of me. Overly dramatic, yes, I do need some sleep before I start crying over Discovery Channel commercials again. The afternoon marches on with more glitches caused by morons left and right, I practically get nothing done except of course tweeting about my afternoon and some stuff about Shark Week...and a quote by Neruda that seemed appropriate.
One more time I hear the soft voice in my head ask me "Why do you apologize so much?", and something inside me snaps as I lash out at my brain as if it were that person. MAYBE...just MAYBE I apologize to make up for those that NEVER apologize at all. You tell me some people overuse their apologies...yeah? Well some people are so cruel they NEVER apologize, not even ONCE for a multitude of wrong they do. I rather apologize (and mean it) every time I feel like I did something wrong, than act like a god amongst mortals, demanding all my wrong doing be quickly dismissed...my broken promises forgiven without so much as a tiny attempt at making repairs. I have snapped. I sit at my desk with hands shaking at the argument I just had in my head.
I breathe and gather my things, no sense in staying at work. I'm gonna buy beer and go home and write all this down before it festers inside me and I lash out at the wrong people in my life. There is no voice asking me that inane question anymore in my head, now I just see the cold eyes staring at me...emotionless. I stare right back, and to you I say...You owe me an apology. You will say you're sorry. No matter how much you avoid it, you did wrong....and I will never change who I am. I will say sorry when I think I did something wrong. I was always honest. You, were not. Thus ends Monday, not without text messages from true friends and beers with those who make me smile. Who knows, maybe this IS a good Monday. I heal. I begin.
I'm sitting here thinking really hard, back...waaay back. Maybe the have been better than average ones but for the most part Monday is my nemesis. I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights; meaning I've been up till around 4-6 a.m. every morning and then being at work by 9. I find that when I don't get enough sleep, I become increasingly emotional...nostalgic, melancholic, weepy...you get the picture. So!, the sadder I get in turn the less I sleep because I'm up over thinking things or missing ghosts that should remain buried in the past.
He asked me "Did somebody break your heart, Yari?" and I scoffed. What can one answer to that? We've all had heartbreak at one point or another, it's not the end of the world. We always manage to patch ourselves up and move on, to focus on what we do have instead of what we are slowly dying without. So I thought for a few seconds before replying with a resonating "YUP"...and opted for "lol we all have broken hearts". For it was the truth. It's not always about someone breaking your heart romantically...sometimes it's losing a loved one in death that breaks you beyond repair. It may have been a dream, goal you had almost at your reach that slipped away as you struggled to come to terms. But I decided to change the subject, no good could come from discussing woes of the soul. It's not the end, only the beginning.
So this morning, as I thought of that convo from the evening before and with the sun glaring angrily at me through my bugtastically smudged windshield, I faced evil Monday. I listened to italian pop songs and carefully drove through Odessa traffic, and the voice in my head vibrated with the same question over and over. HMM HMM I hum along and pull into the parking lot at work, right in front of the sink hole...maybe it'll suck me into another dimension and I'll avoid today. But no, I grumpily clocked in regretting immediately having not had a Diet Coke yet...it wouldn't be a good few seconds for whoever pissed me off first today, but it matters not. I always get angry and rant on twitter, never to anyone's face I guess. So I walk in and someone had, for some unknown reason, deemed it absolutely necessary to press random buttons on our server. So I walk in to this fiasco of computers crashing left and right, and people that have NO business being near anything electronic are STILL pressing buttons like she knows what she's doing. I kindly ask her to MOVE her ass aside (in softer, gentler words) and begin my hour long argument with machines.
I speak machine. Machines love me. So eventually I have everyone up and running...only to have the doctor unplug our network cards and reset our routers without letting anyone know. Now then, our software tends to lock up if you do something like that to it without fondling it the right way or buying it dinner first. Soo!!! After a few choice words with the boss man, and restoring our systems again...we're off to a grand work day, erm, it's lunch time...nothing accomplished. Great.
At lunch time I ran over a random sidewalk, it's ok I took it to the TXDOT or was it the City Maintenance crew?...and it's gonna make it. Maybe I wouldn't have strayed from road if I hadn't been hearing that soft voice vibrating the same question again...over and over in my head. I spend the whole lunch hour avoiding the answer to the question, and of course they would play the most depressing array of heartbreak songs at a freakin KFC of all places. Snot on my fried chicken...nice. "Will you SHUT UP ALREADY" I scream at the voice in my head. I look out the window and sigh. Shove my food away, it repulses me. Still have a whole afternoon ahead...
I get back to the office humming "You and I" by Jason Mraz in my head and I feel like punching myself for being stuck on that song for the last 9 days. I feel like telling my head, "Do not trust a hope, it is forsaken in these lands"...how Tolkien of me. Overly dramatic, yes, I do need some sleep before I start crying over Discovery Channel commercials again. The afternoon marches on with more glitches caused by morons left and right, I practically get nothing done except of course tweeting about my afternoon and some stuff about Shark Week...and a quote by Neruda that seemed appropriate.
One more time I hear the soft voice in my head ask me "Why do you apologize so much?", and something inside me snaps as I lash out at my brain as if it were that person. MAYBE...just MAYBE I apologize to make up for those that NEVER apologize at all. You tell me some people overuse their apologies...yeah? Well some people are so cruel they NEVER apologize, not even ONCE for a multitude of wrong they do. I rather apologize (and mean it) every time I feel like I did something wrong, than act like a god amongst mortals, demanding all my wrong doing be quickly dismissed...my broken promises forgiven without so much as a tiny attempt at making repairs. I have snapped. I sit at my desk with hands shaking at the argument I just had in my head.
I breathe and gather my things, no sense in staying at work. I'm gonna buy beer and go home and write all this down before it festers inside me and I lash out at the wrong people in my life. There is no voice asking me that inane question anymore in my head, now I just see the cold eyes staring at me...emotionless. I stare right back, and to you I say...You owe me an apology. You will say you're sorry. No matter how much you avoid it, you did wrong....and I will never change who I am. I will say sorry when I think I did something wrong. I was always honest. You, were not. Thus ends Monday, not without text messages from true friends and beers with those who make me smile. Who knows, maybe this IS a good Monday. I heal. I begin.
"And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang" - Mraz
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang" - Mraz
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