She lays there half frozen, wanting to pee badly. She knows she's supposed to get inside the house, its already well over 3 a.m. adn the temperature is dropping rapidly...certainly not helping with her bladder dilemma. But the grass feels cool against her back, and after a while - if you really really think about something else - you don't really feel that cold. Why go back inside to that warm, quiet, lonely living room full of empty memories? She sighs, defeated. She admits to herlse fthat once again she is drunk off her ass and probably making the neighbors wonder if she's really all there. For all she knows she's probably laying on a frozen chunk of dog shit. But, who cares? There's still a few more beers to be had...
So the mind wanders off, in a drunken haze, with eyelids that struggle to keep open and a stomach seconda way from emptying itself at the slightest head movement. She has to stay very still...fight the nausea, fight the sleep. Her eyes suddenly focus, as best they can at this point, on a single star up in the expansion above. She hears her own voice in a distant memory, a happier night..."You see that purple star right there, close to Orion's belt? It's called Rigel, that's my star." Her breath chokes up as the words echo in her head, and she knows she can't let ONE tear fall out of her eye. Once she starts there's no stopping the crying until she is spent...draped over the lawn chair next to her, hiccuping and sobbing.
She looks away from the star, chest heaving and decides to start humming to keep her mind busy off him...and having to pee. She wiggles her toes to make sure she's still alive. Ok, ten toes, stiff ankles, she's good. She wonders what god must be thinking of this creature laying on the lawn at 3 a.m. humming Perry Como...with empty bottles wrapping around her like a glass cradle, wiggling her toes and crying over a star in the sky. He's probably barking out orders up there "Could someone please, just PLEASE go down there and take care of it? She's gonna wake up the neighbors and they're gonna start using my name in vain...and she's gonna end up responsible for her sins and everyone else that's around her". Ha! There's probably a group of angels standing around the eternal life water cooler, shaking their heads saying "Sheesh! What is that now, the third time this week alone?!" "Oh I know! I went down there last time, and UGH! she was such a mess...always having to pee and such" "You guys wanna go grab some last supper after we put her to bed?"
She shakes with laughter, rocking sloppily and curling up on the ground. God's personal headache she was. She keeps laughing imagining random conversations in heaven and hell about her...placing bets, making room for her soul. Her uncontrollable laughter gets more violent, and crawling up her chest ...here it comes...a sob. She remembers now, she's always had that problem even as a little kid. She would laugh so hard and the laughter would turn into crying for no reason at all sometimes. But now she was all grown up and she had plenty reasons. Sob, spit, vomi...if her grandmother could see her now. She slurrs a whisper into the night "I'm so sorry"...to anyone, everyone out there. She's sorry for breaking promises, and for not being stronger and for drinking. God...she's so sorry for drinking. She's gonna go back inside.
It's almost time to go to work...gotta be normal for work. She takes one last look at her star, which has moved further down the night sky. She knows he will remember her each time he sees that star, she's sure of it. Now!...to pee. She sluggishly drags herself up the stairs, to the dreaded empty nest. Her voice trails off in the middle of the darkness around her...she's singing about catching a falling star. Weird girl.
So the mind wanders off, in a drunken haze, with eyelids that struggle to keep open and a stomach seconda way from emptying itself at the slightest head movement. She has to stay very still...fight the nausea, fight the sleep. Her eyes suddenly focus, as best they can at this point, on a single star up in the expansion above. She hears her own voice in a distant memory, a happier night..."You see that purple star right there, close to Orion's belt? It's called Rigel, that's my star." Her breath chokes up as the words echo in her head, and she knows she can't let ONE tear fall out of her eye. Once she starts there's no stopping the crying until she is spent...draped over the lawn chair next to her, hiccuping and sobbing.
She looks away from the star, chest heaving and decides to start humming to keep her mind busy off him...and having to pee. She wiggles her toes to make sure she's still alive. Ok, ten toes, stiff ankles, she's good. She wonders what god must be thinking of this creature laying on the lawn at 3 a.m. humming Perry Como...with empty bottles wrapping around her like a glass cradle, wiggling her toes and crying over a star in the sky. He's probably barking out orders up there "Could someone please, just PLEASE go down there and take care of it? She's gonna wake up the neighbors and they're gonna start using my name in vain...and she's gonna end up responsible for her sins and everyone else that's around her". Ha! There's probably a group of angels standing around the eternal life water cooler, shaking their heads saying "Sheesh! What is that now, the third time this week alone?!" "Oh I know! I went down there last time, and UGH! she was such a mess...always having to pee and such" "You guys wanna go grab some last supper after we put her to bed?"
She shakes with laughter, rocking sloppily and curling up on the ground. God's personal headache she was. She keeps laughing imagining random conversations in heaven and hell about her...placing bets, making room for her soul. Her uncontrollable laughter gets more violent, and crawling up her chest ...here it comes...a sob. She remembers now, she's always had that problem even as a little kid. She would laugh so hard and the laughter would turn into crying for no reason at all sometimes. But now she was all grown up and she had plenty reasons. Sob, spit, vomi...if her grandmother could see her now. She slurrs a whisper into the night "I'm so sorry"...to anyone, everyone out there. She's sorry for breaking promises, and for not being stronger and for drinking. God...she's so sorry for drinking. She's gonna go back inside.
It's almost time to go to work...gotta be normal for work. She takes one last look at her star, which has moved further down the night sky. She knows he will remember her each time he sees that star, she's sure of it. Now!...to pee. She sluggishly drags herself up the stairs, to the dreaded empty nest. Her voice trails off in the middle of the darkness around her...she's singing about catching a falling star. Weird girl.
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