Nor.mal (nôrml)
adj.
1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical:
2. free from mental or physical disorder.
I think it's safe to say, I - Yari - am not normal.
My favorite joke? "What did the grape do when it got stepped on? - It let out a little whine" (and I'm seriously giggling myself silly just typing that).
My favorite passtime as a kid? Extra credit homework or pretending I was an anchorwoman doing the evening news (Hey everybody! Come see how good I look!). My top news? The neighbor's bra stolen from her clothes line.
I always loved liver and onions.
While my friends played with Barbie dolls, I was elbow deep in mud puddles and playing with Micro Machines.
I did a research project on marijuana, it's effects and how it lead into heavier drug use with time at the age of 9. I went to halfway houses, rehab homes and prisions and interviewed shady peeps. It won 1st place in the science fair, nationally, all ages (up to high school). I did it all myself, with only my dad driving me places and being with me in prison cells in case someone decided to make me their bitch. I picked the topic and refused to do another 'how fast does a bean sprout' project.
Ok, so I did have Barbie dolls...but they were always naked and you do NOT wanna know what I did with them. On a related note: My Ken doll lost its head due to an unfortunate 'throwing him off the roof because he's Superman' fiasco. My dad got a dried walnut from the floor, made two holes in its shell and put two pearl head pins as eyes. Yeah, whatever horrific picture you just got, that was my Ken until I was about 11.
My right eyebrow stopped growing one year when I plucked it too thin...now I have to pencil a bit of it in or I'll look like a boxer with a scar on it's eyebrow. (pretty cool car story if you're friends are drunk enough).
I talk and laugh in my sleep...and apparently not a small giggle or a word or two. No I have full conversations and bust out laughing (often giving people a heart attack in the middle of the night).
What's so fun about being normal anyways? About doing what is socially acceptable and speaking about safe subjects? Since when did it become 'weird' to say "oh, im a girl and i like boobs"? I'm comfortable enough in my own sexuality that it's okay for me to admire another chick's rack. Am I a perv? Pfft, totally. But I'm a decent perv, an honorable one, a hard working - law abiding - artistic perv.
Do I make people wonder if I'm sane somet...most of the time? Yes. I'm actually considered a nutcase by my closest friends...what kind of hope those that give me about the rest of society?!
Maybe I should stop wearing my underwear over my clothes when I go out. I should, probably, also remove the "Honk If You Have Three Penises" bumpersticker from my car. Sure, licking strangers waiting in line at the bank is questionable behaviour. But dammit this is America, and if Chastity Bono can get a sex change and expect to wake up and be Chaz to everyone one morning...why can't I eat an oreo cakester while water my front yard dirt patch naked on a starry night?
Thank you.
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allan Poe
"Grape! Grape! Grape!"
ReplyDelete"Don't you mean 'rape'?"
"No, there was a bunch of 'em."
and:
There were three peanuts walking down the road. One of them was a salted.
hahahahahahah <3 hahahha
ReplyDeleteLIEUTENANT DAN! enough said.
ReplyDeleteLMAO! magic legs!!! <33333
ReplyDeleteYa lost me at "liver and onions."
ReplyDeleteAnd just to be clear, the very best line outta Forrest Gump is, "Yahr boah (boy) is diff'unt, Mrs. Gump." I haul that line out at least a time or two each week.
I have another favorite joke. Three cheddars walk into a bar and the forth one was a duck.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course it's great to admire other women's racks. I mean seriously, mine deserves all the attention in the world. You may draw a picture of them on the cave wall after I drag you there, you know after the neanderthal style clobbering. (Never said ALL of me was perfect)