The Art of Annoyance

I've found that my foul mood, in most cases, is directly connected to how in control my blood sugar is. If it's very high, I tend to get snappy at everyone for no reason. It's something I had heard about from reading up on diabetes and noticed on my father when he was first diagnosed. He used to be jovial and the life of the party. Nothing could ever dampen his day. His life crumbled or tragedy struck our family? Leave it to dad to find humor in the situation and lift everyone's spirits. When he started with diabetes he always seemed on edge, tired and oh so irritable. His feelings would get hurt over any little thing. He didn't laugh much anymore.

I was semi ready for the body changes and side effects to diabetes. Never these mood swings. Yikes! Sometimes just looking at someone makes me want to kick them in the face until I feel content. My fuse is so short. I snap at my loved ones at the drop of a hat, immediately feeling crappy for saying things. Sometimes it's too late, the hurt has been done no matter if I apologize. I get annoyed easily some days, too easily. Sometimes I'm trying to think of something while I'm writing or having a convo with a friend online, and I get interrupted for a silly comment or question...and I totally blow my lid. I don't mean to react that way, but you just made me lose what little concentration I had (another side effect) on what I was doing so you can tell me about an awesome joke you heard today and...what's that? You forgot how it goes? My brain just turned into mush. Sometimes I had a crappy day at work, cleaning up messes left and right while answering THE most idiotic questions a human will ever hear. So when I get home and all I want to do is NOT think about work or answer irrelevant questions...yeah you're gonna get the wrath of Khan err Yari.

Of course, who else would be at the end of these blow ups most of the time if not my father. Two diabetics, two people that can't take a joke lately, oy! He wears his feelings on his sleeve and I find every comment he makes as a direct attack from him. The other day he said he didn't like the artwork I put up on my walls because the dude was smoking. SMOKING. I can see him being blown away if I put up an angelic woman riding Satan on top of slaughtered puppies. I'd agree with him even. This is a black and white sketch of a guy walking down a sidewalk, with the city's night skyline behind him and a cigarette in his mouth. That's it. You have GOT to be kidding me. So I took that as a direct assault on MY freedom to like whatever the hell I like. He was simply stating he didn't like it. I felt like ripping him to shreds.

This is how almost every day had been for the past 2 years. So lately, since my sugar is back to acceptable ranges, everyone around me notices a "change". Oooo! Aaaah! Magnifique! I do find it less and less irritating to be around people, I smile more and I even spend time with mom without having the left side of my face melt. I'm more calm, and yeah I notice it too, I'm patient for anything that arises.

That is until a few minutes ago. My parents called me and said they forgot they had a doctor's appointment and would not be able to bring me my lunch. I come into work at noon. They called me at 11:56 a.m. when I was 20 feet from my office.

Dad: "Go and get you something before work."

Me: "I can't be late, so I guess I'll just eat snacks till I get out."

Dad (with mom doing chorus in the background): "You can't start skipping your meals, get something before work."

Me (feeling the anger): "I would've if you guys would've told me earlier. Now, I can't. Don't worry about it. See you guys later tonight."

Mom (grabbing phone): "You should get something before you go in, because I was reading...(2 minute speech about diabetes facts I already know involving skipping meals). So, go get something before work."

Me: "Listen, I cannot physically go. I cannot be late. I have snacks, I'll be fine. Let it go."

Mom (yelling): "See? I knew you weren't gonna take care of yourself for long. You always start up good and get off track. You are so irresponsible, I just can't believe you are so lazy that you can't get lunch for yourself. What are you gonna do when we're dead? Starve? Jesus, Yari."

Me: "I'm at work, I gotta go." *click*

So I'm sitting here cussing up at storm and I literally feel like punching a baby or something. My irate mood skyrocketed out of here after 30 seconds of that phone call. I haven't been this angry for a few weeks and I don't like it. I checked my sugar and it's normal. However, I have developed a schedule for eating in the past 2 weeks. It is my lunch time and there's no food in my belly. So I'm gonna blame this outburst on A) my hunger and B) the fact that i'm about to turn into a salad bowl in the next few days. Breathing.

So how's ya'll's Tuesday?

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