You asked me to write you a blog. Solely dedicated to you. Where to begin?
I've only known you a week. How close can one feel to someone in a week? How much can I know about someone in 7 days? Your favorite color is green, and you love cupcakes. You're an excellent father and a devoted friend. You love your work and are smarter than you give yourself credit for. You're persistent and so beyond sweet, it's sickening sometimes.
You're also 6 years younger than I am. This means that you're infuriatingly laid back when it comes to serious things in your life. Sometimes I want to shake you and scream "Can't you see what you're doing to your future?!" But I know that will accomplish nothing. We've all been pestered by people older than we are at some point or another. We think that we're alone in this world and that no one has been where we are. All I can tell you is, you are not any different than billions before you. Your life and problems are not unique, and when someone tells you to think about what you're doing...they say it out of caring about you and wanting you to make better choices than they did.
You're reckless and impulsive, and scattered in your thoughts. However, you remember small things about me that most people that have known me longer tend to overlook. You say that reading gives you a headache, yet you read this blog-even though you have no obligation to do so. You are so stubborn. So so stubborn. You want to know why things happen, and how I feel about everything every minute of my day. You don't understand why I don't want to talk sometimes, or you blame yourself. But you never leave me alone. It's comforting.
When we first started talking you asked me why I never slept, I told you why. You asked me why would someone so great would go through what I go through regularly with people. I told you that it was probably me, not them. You told me that I was great, and it wasn't my fault. And you seriously believe it, that I am this person who deserves greater things. I doubt that. So, agree to disagree. I also told you that I was tired of meeting new people that ended up hurting me, something you swore you'd never do. A few days into our friendship, bond, you hurt me in the worst possible way. I also told you I didn't like drama, yet I found myself being dragged into the middle of yours. So I chose to remove myself from your life.
Right now things are broken. I don't know that we could ever be how we used to. You were my friend, and I really loved and cared about you. Now, every time I see a text message from you come in, I wince. It hurts to see your name, and I find myself angry at your actions.
What does the future hold for us? I'm not sure. But for now, I'm sorry. This is the best I can do in a blog for you.
Good luck with the new chapter in your life. Blessed be.
I've only known you a week. How close can one feel to someone in a week? How much can I know about someone in 7 days? Your favorite color is green, and you love cupcakes. You're an excellent father and a devoted friend. You love your work and are smarter than you give yourself credit for. You're persistent and so beyond sweet, it's sickening sometimes.
You're also 6 years younger than I am. This means that you're infuriatingly laid back when it comes to serious things in your life. Sometimes I want to shake you and scream "Can't you see what you're doing to your future?!" But I know that will accomplish nothing. We've all been pestered by people older than we are at some point or another. We think that we're alone in this world and that no one has been where we are. All I can tell you is, you are not any different than billions before you. Your life and problems are not unique, and when someone tells you to think about what you're doing...they say it out of caring about you and wanting you to make better choices than they did.
You're reckless and impulsive, and scattered in your thoughts. However, you remember small things about me that most people that have known me longer tend to overlook. You say that reading gives you a headache, yet you read this blog-even though you have no obligation to do so. You are so stubborn. So so stubborn. You want to know why things happen, and how I feel about everything every minute of my day. You don't understand why I don't want to talk sometimes, or you blame yourself. But you never leave me alone. It's comforting.
When we first started talking you asked me why I never slept, I told you why. You asked me why would someone so great would go through what I go through regularly with people. I told you that it was probably me, not them. You told me that I was great, and it wasn't my fault. And you seriously believe it, that I am this person who deserves greater things. I doubt that. So, agree to disagree. I also told you that I was tired of meeting new people that ended up hurting me, something you swore you'd never do. A few days into our friendship, bond, you hurt me in the worst possible way. I also told you I didn't like drama, yet I found myself being dragged into the middle of yours. So I chose to remove myself from your life.
Right now things are broken. I don't know that we could ever be how we used to. You were my friend, and I really loved and cared about you. Now, every time I see a text message from you come in, I wince. It hurts to see your name, and I find myself angry at your actions.
What does the future hold for us? I'm not sure. But for now, I'm sorry. This is the best I can do in a blog for you.
Good luck with the new chapter in your life. Blessed be.
Not sure I like this at all Only because it references so many thing I am experiencing now, RIGHT NOW in my life, in so many ways you obviously are now as well.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for writing the things that have hurt me so much I have been postponing writing.