All In A Year...

Isn't it amazing what can transpire in the course of a year? 365 days. Life seems to zoom by so fast day by day, that it's almost mind boggling to go back and realize everything that has happened.

In a year I've loved, lost, loved again and lost. I've started a new career, I've lost weight, I haven't slept well, I've gained new friends and lost many more. It's been a year since I met some people from a random chatroom for the first time in person. Since I've seen the ocean, my dear Boston Harbor. Since I've fallen asleep listening to raindrops hitting the forest outside my sister Cathy's house. Since I sat around a fire pit, under the night sky, and played guitar with a dear friend - who's now longer a friend.

In a year I found out that what I thought would kill me, didn't. That I manage to rise over and over, stronger, colder and isolated. I've learned that...I don't learn. Irony. That even though deceit is staring me in the face, I turn my blind eye towards it and continue to hope for a change. That I still, a year later, haven't learned to forgive the right people and not just everybody.

I've lost family members back home in Puerto Rico, and the weight of not flying over there for their funerals is heavy on my shoulders. They raised me, loved me and were my friends growing up. Here I am, in foreign grounds, and not putting flowers on their burial plots like I should've.

I've rediscovered my love for music and took guitar lessons. I also, can no longer afford them. All in a year. I have been going to a psychologist, and also am thinking of quitting that. I have learned things about my father that I wish I hadn't. I have seen friends shine, and fall broken. I have wept with them, and loved with them. I have seen concerts under the West Texas desert sky with them, and stared them in the eyes as we hoped those nights would never end.

I have learned, in these 365 days, that even though I declare myself to be alone and isolated...there's always hands out there, pulling me through and always having me in their thoughts. I have people that love me, unconditionally. Even if I push them away, they know it's my way of saying "I'm drowning, come help me. Don't leave me." That even if I disappear for days, months...they welcome me back, with the same warmth. Without judging me or throwing in my face that I've been a bad friend.

In a year, I've visited new places. Mostly by myself, and sometimes with my new friend. She's managed to be one of the only 4 girls I've ever trusted enough to let in during my life. In a few months, she's managed to make me care about how I look, not in a conceited way...but in a way that shows I love myself and always should. (Who knew I had such passion for lip gloss?)

I've been in ICU, and I've worked out to Zumba. I've gotten horribly drunk one too many times, for the wrong reasons and I've learned to allow myself to mourn my losses.

So here's to 25 years almost being done. In 2 days I will turn 26. New beginnings. I hope this next year, I can love fuller, smile more and see Boston again. I want to camp in the desert and have a silly girls' night in. I want to be loved, for who I am and how I am. To make you all smile and show you how grateful I am of every one of you. Even the ones who have or will hurt me...because...Cathy can attest to this: I see things coming. I've called things long, long before they happen.

So I ask for love and honesty. That's all I want this year.

Be happy. Be blessed. Be true.