The Power: It Rubs Off!

When I willed my life and outlook of it to be different, it took flight on it's own.

All that mumbo jumbo about "being the change" you want in your life actually turned out to be precisely that. It seems I was in this seemingly never-ending plateau that revolved around my warped view on what my daily life should be. I lived for others, who often involved themselves in a co-dependant relationship with me and could not move on with a life of their own. We thought our connection was all we had to live for and look forward to in the day, ignoring the countless other aspects about us that defined us as individual human beings.

Don't get me wrong, I am forever grateful for the people I've met and grown to love like my own flesh and blood throughout the past few years. However, looking back on myself, I am truly amazed some of you didn't kick me in the figurative nutsack a few times so that I could jump start my life...wait, nevermind, some of you did. My life was devoted to a font, a screename and the possibility of a real human behind it. Work and eat became a necessary evil in order to exist long enough to run home at the first chance and hop into the wonderful world of my laptop.

So when I decided to break the ties that were consuming me, I felt horrible. I felt so guilty about abandoning the people that needed me and loved having me around online. I love them dearly, and wish I could spend time with them...but...I had to do this. To give ME a chance to see what I could become. Yikes, and what a Yari have I become! I'm more outgoing and taking risks I wouldn't even fathom before. I'm trying to define my own course of action and become less co-dependant. I am my own woman. Today I went for a final interview, for a job I am confident I can learn to do very well. It's an actual career, doing something I love to do without having to deal with the disorganization there is at my current job right now. Over there you are trained, expected to perform, evaluated, rewarded and corrected. Systematic. There's rules and consequences. There's accountability. I want to be proud of what I do and see the results. Even if I don't get the job, I carried myself through that interview in a manner that makes me see I am more than what I thought I was. I'm a pretty smart gal, I've accomplished a lot and I have more to give of myself to society than what I have. I can have a future.

And so, the people around me that love me, have also been making changes. Catapulting their efforts towards a successful life in the future and making decisions they probably were afraid to do out of the pain it sometimes brings to break a comforting cycle. They are all amazing people, that don't need anyone else to tell them so or to hold their hand, for they can lead the rest of us like pros. Wether it's changes on their personal or professional life, they are going through so much right now, along with me. I'd like to believe that if I continue to strive to be better and I surround them with my positive energy, instead of bringing them down when I'm feeling low, they too will find the strength within them to alter their existance.

I want my future to be mind-blowing. To be more than just a 'comfortable' day to day routine. I want to share good stuff, and when I have sad moments or days, I don't want them to stop me from getting back up. Maybe I can. I sure as hell feel like I can. You guys can too. I'm proud of you. Here's to our future. Time to shine baby.

Time to shine.