5.30.2010

Staying Awake. Safer.


I have been debating about sharing something on here for quite some time. Normally I'd share the dreams and nightmares I've in the past, but often I make a reference to a recurring nightmare I've had since I was 7. Only two people know the exact details of this nightmare, aside from my shrink. For some reason I keep this one to myself most of the time, since I go over it enough times during my week...why replay the details?

But, I'm sitting on the couch drinking, and feel like purging that bit of me into this corner of cyberspace. I feel alone, even though physically I am not. I'll put another smile on. This is where it starts:

I am at my aunt's home in Puerto Rico. She's in the kitchen, and it's almost midnight. The air is hot, muggy, and she is making coffee for us. The house is at the foot of a big mountain, and it's almost a small group of homes...the night is too silent. I go to the front screen door to look out at the rest of the houses and my eyes are drawn to the top of the mountain just as a full moon is rising. I see this creature stretching it's wings, and just a pair of red eyes emanating from it's face. It's big, and although my eyes are sure it's a gargoyle...it looks like some demonic being that would haunt your memory forever. It does. Just as I am calling for my aunt to come see it, the thing jumps from the top of the mountain and falls towards the sleepy houses. I hear doors slamming, people screaming and gurgling, cries...death. I run to the back door and lock it, but I am too late when I reach the front screen door again. The demon has sliced it open and is standing in the bright living room, with my aunt's lifeless body in it's right arm, gripping her from her torn out throat. There's blood everywhere. I see it jump towards me, I feel it's nails slashing my face...it burns like nothing I've ever felt. It whispers a growl in a language I do not get. I don't have to. I feel another swipe of it's nails right under my left breast. I black out.

Then the second part of the nightmare starts...

I am in the same house, except I am on the first floor. There is an indoor garage in the first floor, with no solid walls...only metal gates that seem impenetrable. I am in living room, sitting on some old school couches covered with plastic...which annoys me to no end, because in the dream it is very hot, and I feel the back of my thighs sticking to the couch. I start hearing noises outside and turn off the t.v., which seems to also turn off all the lights in the house. I panic in the dark, and immediately feel my skin crawling. I hear a howl first...then several of them. The howls are getting louder, the growls indicate they are circling my house...I hear their paws in the outside gravel, almost like they are trying to decide where to slide into my home. I look outside the windows and see 4 of them pacing outside, sniffing the ground and letting out loud yelps. I hear a few of them on the other side of my home, and decide I probably should make sure the back door is locked. I run to the kitchen just as one of them was trying to walk in through the doorway. With some struggle, I manage to slam the door and bolt it...leaning against it feeling my knees wobbly and my heart in my throat. Just then I remember the front door was open, and as I'm darting to my living room to close it, I see that I am too late.

There's five of them in there already, four of them are gray with this odd color yellow eyes...mouths foaming. The biggest one (head of pack?), has the blackest fur I have ever seen, and it almost looks like every hair has a mind of it's own moving in every direction. His eyes are dark, blood red and his fangs are out in a constant menacing growl. I thought their attention would be on me, since I barged in on them. But they're all staring at something on my living room floor, and for a second, as I peer over the couch and at the floor, I feel the air knocked out of me and my world spinning.

There is a baby, sitting up on the floor. It's a boy, always a boy. He's wearing a light blue onesie, and is sitting on a blanket with toys surrounding him. He can't be any older than 10 months. He's just looking up at me, where I'm standing, with this gorgeous smile on his face...tiny little dimples. I see his face all day, even when I'm awake...Anyways, just as I'm about to do something to distract them from the baby, the black one launches towards him and knocks him on his back. They tear him to pieces, in front of my eyes and I can't run. I'm stuck there, watching my child...I'm assuming he's my son...being ripped from his limbs and his dead eyes staring up at the ceiling in horror. One of them drags what's left of his body off to the side, like a rag doll and continues to feast on him.

By this time the black one, once again, starts the attack. This time on me. I have no time to run, or even put my arms up to protect myself. I'm knocked down on my back and immediately feel his fangs slicing through my neck. I feel every ounce of pain, and the blood pooling in my throat, I'm choking on it but the pain coming from my arms being ripped apart is worse. I feel another one bite into my thigh, the burning and pain are excruciating. I know it's a dream, but I never wake up. Not until I hear I feel one last bite and a pair of jaws crushing the left side of my head.

And it's over. At least until 2 nights after, when, after fighting to stay away to avoid dreams...I find myself drifting off..and the image of my aunt making me coffee begins.

This has been my nightmare, every 2 nights, since I was 7 years old. I'm tired, but you already know that.


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