Baseball, Blogs & Cold Coffee

It's baseball season, and this year I'm getting back to the swing of things in that regard. For a few years I neglected to watch any games except the World Series and the World Classic. I guess in all the changes I've had for the last 10 yrs, the fact that I was a baseball nut escaped me. I'm getting back into collecting memorabilia, watching almost every game for the Braves (my favorite team) and even following other teams/player stats. I haven't done it in so long, that I feel like an utter newb about it. I'd like to go to the park in the afternoons and play baseball with my family, like I used to as a kid. My mom and dad were actually really good at baseball, or maybe they'd pitch just right for me to hit it out of the park. I currently have an autographed baseball from the 1995 World Series in lay away. Greg Maddux signed it. It's amazing. It means so much more to me than just baseball. I look at it and I remember that fall, my living room crowded with all my older cousins shouting at the t.v. They were all Indian fans. I was 11 and had always liked the Blue Jays. When Javier asked me "Who are you going for?" I blurted "Braves", just to be different than them. I've been a Braves nut since.

Blogs are a tricky thing. They are cathartic, informative and in the end, a lonely place...just like the one you're trying to escape. Social media is a powerful tool if used correctly. I could very well start a blog about sports, travel, IT tips, cooking and about a billion other topics people are thirsty to have information for. I could pretend to be artsy and eclectic, and defend why I like films or writers. In the end I'm just me, and I'm a mixture of too many things...making it infinitely difficult to have a blog that sticks to being amazing at something. That leaves only the other 2 categories available to be used for my blog. In the beginning, I created this place as a means of having a corner in the world I could vent without anyone having to go through the trouble of getting inside my head. I didn't really want anyone finding it, or reading it. I knew people would dissect every word and take sides, or simply leave comments about how they didn't know I felt this way. But, for a while it really was cathartic, liberating. I felt empowered, that I could say whatever I felt like without fear of someone in my life calling me a lunatic.

However, in the process of venting and purging my tireless brain...the blog has now become lonely. It was my escape from a lonely life, only to become a silent dead cyber grave. I find myself wondering if anyone gives a crap, really, what is said here. I've seen the power of a quiet blog strongly this week, the impact of it's words on others out there. How I can write something here, directed at anyone and everywhere...but deep down the person I'm writing it for knows it was meant for them...and, it's in this knowledge we have that the person we wrote it for read it, that we find the loneliness. Why is there no reply? We are pouring our life out here for them, because any other venue would be too public. The corruption of a world that would not understand the pure raw feelings in writer/reader remains untouched in a blog. It's privately public. Why the loneliness? Because we wait for replies that never show up, or maybe the reply addresses nothing of what our soul poured into this e-world. You are left with questions like "Did he/she read it? Did they know it was for them? Did I make my feelings clear?" The silent answer to those, makes this an even colder place to live, and rather pointless to keep writing.

I have to go now, my coffee got cold and lunch time sprang up on me. I thank the handful of you guys that take the time to read this, and assure you that by reading it...you know more about me than my closest family members do. Is that good or bad? I'm not sure. Is cold coffee good? Only when I pay $4.00 for it at Starbucks it seems.

I want answers.

"If the world is a stage...why don't I hear any applause?" - Shanidy