Raindrops Keep Falling On My Squid

Her ears became aware of the pattern left by the falling raindrops surrounding her. Groggily, she semi opened her eyes at this relaxing sound and found herself blissfully confused. Was she sleeping at the bottom of the ocean? A school of fish flew by her left side, leaving a trail of bright tropical colors…almost like shooting stars playing hide and seek in a bed of corals. The rain crashed harder somewhere in the middle of this dream, so she reaches to her side and stumbles across a soft, warm hand that instinctively intertwines it’s fingers with hers. The fit was perfect, delicate and brought a feeling of home to this strange, dry sea.

She brushes her thumb softly across the back of this hand, thinking as she looks at the pictures of manatees on the clock above her head – “I’m in bed with a mermaid princess”. Giggling at herself for not just opening her eyes all the way and ending this silly dream, she tugs the hand closer to her chest and kisses it…listening to her soft breathing and trying to match her own to it. Her eyes lazily scan the dream ocean around her, staring at the dolphin picture on the wall and smiling back at it. Dolphins always look like they’re smiling at you, they’re like the motivational speakers of the sea…positive, hyper, encouraging and seemingly free. Not as free as those whales on the shelf looked.

Figurines danced around her vision creating a spectrum that would make a Lassen painting green with envy. The sound of the rain lulled her to sleep, but she is resisting. She swears she sees the whales flying up above her and crashing back into the water just beyond her feet. Her own head lay on the back of a giant sea turtle with sad eyes, she didn’t want to look into them…they were too familiar. Sad brown eyes. She grips her mermaid’s hand tightly, as the feeling of dread becomes more real. The flowing, wavy stingray that was keeping her warm is suddenly very heavy on her, pushing her chest tight and slowing her breathing.

She kicks a bit, trying to free herself as something catches her attention out of the corner of her eyes. Dizzy, sweaty…she focuses her eyes on the single object as she loses attention and stops hearing the waves crashing, the whales singing, fish happily splashing…all leaves her. She stares quietly at it, reaches over, and takes a few last gulps out of her beer bottle. Just a second ago this pillow was a sea turtle with broken eyes, and her comforter had been a beautiful stingray…the school of fish was now merely a night lamp meant to relax her. The rain is now drowning her quiet sobs, since her dream has vanished and memories of the night have resurfaced to taunt her once again.

She quietly prays to anything out there that might help ease her pain and erase memories of dreams that were buried with certain finality. There had been no smiling dolphins earlier in the night encouraging her along, and she cries remembering whose eyes the turtle’s looked like. All hope was gone now, and what once she held dear she had kissed good-bye. Only one thing had survived her waking up in the real world again. She grips the hand tightly, and amidst the chaos and desolation…she feels connected to something greater than love and loss, than dreams and drunkards. Her mermaid was there still, her angel, her other half. She slides close and kisses her sleeping doll’s forehead and whispers “I love you”, and her eyes dance full of hope as she sees a grin spread across her beloved’s face.

She pulled the stingray over both of them…fluffed the turtle under their heads…and hummed her a lullaby to the rhythm of torrential rain. The things we see, under the sea.

"A plaintive melody, Truncated symphony, An ocean’s garbled vomit on the shore,Los Angeles, I’m yours." - The Decemberists