(Author's Note: This was written during a time where my mental stability was questionable...ok so I'm still questionable but I did snap out of that funk. Thank you to those who were there and truly helped me.)
Music has a way to unleash the darkest demons you struggle to get rid off your whole life. Every second your life passes away, every second is also a new beginning. would it be really that bad to start over? why are we afraid...ahh yess...hurting the ones we love by daring to be happy ourselves. is it fair to them to feel like they are not important in our life? Does that sound loving at all? So there you are...at the crossroads of 'what if' and 'cant do it, I wont hurt anyone else'...life is never easy. The right choices aren't either.
Music can literally wrap itself around your heart and leave you breathless...it's a surefire way to reopen old wounds that should have been left in the past. Songs will make you see a hauntin face every time you close your eyes. A face that left you broken in the past, yet...a face you forgave the instant they hurt you. Why do we keep listening to sad songs when you are already sad? Masochism? That has to be it. I could very well put happy music or some heavy metal so I can let it all just...anger me. I rather live filled with anger, than filled with the heartbroken sadness I cant shake off sometimes.
There's people out there that call themselves my friends. People who went through hardship and tough moments themselves...and who was there at all hours of the night making them feel better and telling them it would be ok? ME. I was there...for you. Yet, these are the same people that are gonna read this and say, "wtf yari you have no reason to be depressed! Think of all the things you do have and people have it worse blah blah blah!".
To you people...think about the darkest, most violent...sad moment in your life. A moment where there was no hope, no desire to see what tomorrow will bring. You didn't care if you ate, slept, worked...you just didn't care. No matter how much you tried to be happy and pretend to be normal for the sake of your loved ones...your smile never reached your eyes. Your laugh was empty. Remember when you were going through that? Would the words "suck it up. Life isnt fair, focus on the positive" have snapped you right out of it and suddenly make you feel fantastic? Bunch of hypocrites some of you are. I spent countless time providing you what you needed more...which was company that would listen in silence, someone that wouldn't chastize you for your feelings. All you needed was someone to vent to, someone to hug you without any words...and you DARE make me feel guilty about this moment in my life cuz I'm feeling a little sad?! How. Dare. You.
My chest is burning...did someone just punch my stomach? Why can't I take a deep breath without my eyes watering and me starting to cry? Why does food taste so bad? Why do I just want to lay down and sleep till i get sick of laying down? Oh thats right...I can't. To those "friends" that would mean I've been defeated right? Well how nice of you to give onto others what was once given to you...time, love, patience.
"Stand up, we shall not be moved. Except for a child with no socks or shoes. If you have more to give you have more to lose..." - Flobots
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