What I Wish I Would've Told You: Pt1

You should've left me alone.

I wasn't looking for anything, but there you were, in all your glory, with those piercing eyes and the sense of humor that mirrored my own. I don't even know how you popped into my life. You were out of my league, at least I thought, in the looks department. There is no way that in real life you would've given me a second look when walking past me.

We met by random mistake. I had seen your name around, I'm sure you had seem mine. You sit there and you claim you always had a crush on me, but were always too afraid to approach me. Bull. You were waiting for me to fall on your lap, just like you wait for everything else to happen for you. You sit there and claim you have the worst luck ever, that I was the best thing that ever happened to you. Why didn't you fight to make me feel important? Why did I always have to make the first move? I pretty much gave you the biggest ego stroke of your life.

You told me once that the day you went 24 hours without talking to me or hearing about me, you'd go insane. You son of a bitch. How DARE you ignore me for days at a time? I don't care how busy you are, nothing on God's earth should ever prevent you from saying at least a 'Hello, I'm missing you' during the day. I gave you all the space you ever needed, I never bothered you when you were busy. I just sat and waited, like a freaking goddamn moron for you to remember me. Your girlfriend. Your honey. The love of your life. The only reason you worked so hard. The reason you wanted to be a better man. This is how you treat me? Like I'm some sort of obligation? Something you will get to when you're not busy watching t.v. or working OUTSIDE of your normal work hours?

I was NOTHING to you but someone to love you for being mediocre at a relationship. It takes 50/50. You, gave me a few sweet words and a handful of your week. Shove it up your ass. I don't need it. I deserved better. I was patient. I was understanding. You were a jerk. You will be alone forever. I hope you hurt and have no one there to ease it.

I loved the way your hair fell on your face, all disheveled. The way you stared at me, when you thought I wasn't looking...you almost looked like you adored me. That little grin that told me you were up to no good. How hard working you were, when it came to your job. How smart you were, and your witty jokes...even thought you always claimed you were stupid. How happy you got when you ate cookies or chocolate. How deeply you love your family and the place you were born, and the way you thought I was an amazing writer/musician. I'll miss the early memories, when you'd watch me sleep...or I'd watch you sleep. We had the exact same sense of humor, and likes when it came to shows and t.v.'s...so I'll miss watching those with you too.

But I will end this, and all the other posts, the same way. Every hurt you caused, made me scratch off your name from my heart. You will never find another me. Ever. Good luck. Try to be happy. I am in a better place, now that I've dealt with you. I won't go down the same road twice. I win.

Song: 18th Floor Balcony - Blue October