The cold filled every inch of the living room, crawling into every crevice under her heavy winter blanket and wrapping around her fingers. Those fingers that cracked as she typed methodically on her laptop, making her wince and hold her hands close to her chest. The winter made her bones hurt. This one would be no different.
She blew her nose and brushed away the tears that were falling faster than she had a chance to hide. Furious. Broken. Thoughtful. Tired. She read it over, one last time...
"I don't know how to not think of you some days. How to not connect every country song to your name and not let it tug at my heart, opening the wounds all over again. I am fine, most days...and I have no idea what good comes from not letting your memory go. Why am I wondering how your holiday was? If your mom cooked...and how your mom is doing. How I wish I could've sent you guys pumpkin cookies. How right now you're probably sitting on your couch, laying on two pillows wrapped up with your Gamecocks' blanket and twirling your hair on the left side of your temple, where you have that crazy cowlick... It's been a long time. I don't want to miss you anymore. Bye."
This was stupid. This was begging...this was painful. She clicked "Send" and slammed the laptop shut.
Her stomach hurt, but she felt lighter. Maybe after a few more months it would go away forever.
She was back at square one...
She blew her nose and brushed away the tears that were falling faster than she had a chance to hide. Furious. Broken. Thoughtful. Tired. She read it over, one last time...
"I don't know how to not think of you some days. How to not connect every country song to your name and not let it tug at my heart, opening the wounds all over again. I am fine, most days...and I have no idea what good comes from not letting your memory go. Why am I wondering how your holiday was? If your mom cooked...and how your mom is doing. How I wish I could've sent you guys pumpkin cookies. How right now you're probably sitting on your couch, laying on two pillows wrapped up with your Gamecocks' blanket and twirling your hair on the left side of your temple, where you have that crazy cowlick... It's been a long time. I don't want to miss you anymore. Bye."
This was stupid. This was begging...this was painful. She clicked "Send" and slammed the laptop shut.
Her stomach hurt, but she felt lighter. Maybe after a few more months it would go away forever.
She was back at square one...
sigh. i'm sorry snookums.
ReplyDelete