Cristobal Corazon

Slow down, oh beating heart
Pace yourself, the end is near
Take deep breaths, minutes apart
The time has come for no more fear

Think of silence, oh pensive ticker
Refuse to let the outside in
Conserve in ye, that vital flicker
Be not hasty, you need not win

Immerse yourself in peaceful dreams
Oh faded heart with broken wings
Embrace the shine of moonlight beams
Slow to a stop, you silly thing.

That’s it! Follow this rhythm
Let my falling tears, be your sync
Sleep at peace, sleep with hymns
Of love’s eternal missing link.
Be still, fluttering heart...

tomorrow you fly away.

Yari 09

Hello, Smiles

I sit here, tracing the thin yellow line in a pattern over this old wooden table. In my head I am making little car noises as I pretend the lines are little highways leading me nowhere. My feet barely reach the floor, swinging them away with some random rhythm that I notice matches a song that's playing in the background. I hear her hands working hard peeling the bananas and mashing them. I raise my head a fraction, so I can look at her. Even at that age, in my head I am thinking "God I hope I remember this exact second forever." I do. Her hair is snow white, even though she's only in her late 50's. She's biting her lower lip on the right corner as she concentrates on her task, a habit I inherited from her. Her arms jiggle as she forcefully keep peeling green bananas, and I look at her freckles...the way her arm shakes. She catches me looking, smiles at me and asks 'What?'. I giggle, and stick my tongue out at her. She gestures me to come over, and when I'm close enough she kisses my cheek and gives me the first batch of dough to put in the kitchen. I know the drill. Take it and bring a new bowl, as fast as I can without dropping anything...which is an amazing task for a clumsy child.

I sit back down, next to her this time. She knows what I want, and that is a story. The same stories of her adventures when she was growing up. Stories that make me hang on to every word even though I've heard them hundreds of times before. Stories that make her get this mischievous sparkle in her eye, almost evil. So I wait quietly, as she starts...ahhh...the one where she stole her mom's money and went to get a perm. I can't believe she did that! Did you really not come home that night grandma?! You're so crazy. You slept on the mango tree?! Ha, ha, ha! I'm gonna remember this forever grandma, I promise. Aww, no time for another? Ok...

I want to remember you like this always. But there you lay, still...cold. Your casket is beautiful, a dusty rose color with porcelain roses on the corners. You're wearing the beautiful ivory dress you wore to the wedding a few months ago. The youngest of your sons, he danced with you most of the night. You look the same as you did, but sleeping, pale. It is you in there...freckles are the same, your lips, the nail polish I had put on your hands 2 days ago was still the same.

It was NOT your time yet. I hate that you are not going to hum around the house during Christmas time. That you never saw me graduate...or met my first boyfriend and automatically categorized him as an asswipe. That you never saw me get married...and that you left me. But I will see you soon, Nana. I want to hear about the time you broke the church bell and it rolled downhill and over the priest's foot...hahaha...*sigh* I need you.

Online Fun with my Lil Brother :)

This happened on a lazy work afternoon, while taking a break from my never ending blahjob. My little brother Shane has a habit of getting into weird rap battles, or typing battles, or throwing food battles...he met his match :)

darknesss: lets have a freestyle rap battle

darknesss: ready?

Baboon: ready

darknesss: WORD homie i am the orginal gangster the ornginal prankster, i am jew, but i can rap just like you

Baboon: LMFAO

Baboon: hahaha

darknesss: your face smells like the flu
darknesss: and given enough time it will look like YOU

darknesss: OOOOOOOOOH

Baboon: listen up homie g, im your girl yari...i aint no jew but i spit at you

Baboon: cuz u bring home ur rap and its sounds just like crap

Baboon: then u start with the face

Baboon: when urs is a disgrace
Baboon: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH

darknesss: if your a pureto rican you proabley smell like chicken and you can't rap worth a crap because takes skills and not looking like a box of pills

darknesss: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

Baboon: LMAO
Baboon: hahahaha

Baboon: dont be dissin on my spanish when ur lamer than a danish, that's been sittin in the sun, youre a rapper? you wish son! Now go back to yer hole with your FACE and giant mole.

artofdarknesss: LOL

darknesss: okay listen up hermana word up, you rap like a poltican gone corrpt, i know that makes no sense, but neither does your face looking like a fence

Baboon: werd up jewish holmes, you be talkin like a gnome, with its hat up his ass-battle me? i aint yer class. Broken fence?, youre face is dense. Step back lil man, cuz i openin a can.

darknesss: lol

darknesss: omg your good at this

darknesss: most people dont catch on

Baboon: u be battlin da best

darknesss: i think i ran out of steam, maybe you can get me running again if you know what i mean, your face is a carrot, and you talk like a parrot!

Baboon: Your FACE ran out of steam, like a hooker with a dream, best be smart and step down, i be dissin ya you clown, speakin of cracka birds, yer still the king of nerds!

darknesss: i aint stepping down from the crown, your mama was a hoe back in the day, when she rolled in the hay
darknesss: i may be a nerd but at least i am not a turd!

Baboon: OH so we messin with da mamas? yours smells like a llama, she got hit more than a keg, come on know you know she beg, so flush yerself you lil terd, dont be messin with mine werd!

darknesss: Oh hush your little mouth, you little pureto rican from the south, if you think your so good, your face looks like a pile of wood

Baboon: lil brotha dat was whack, like a hobo outta crack. i know im good, dont think to think, your face be lookin kinda pink? whatsa matta? need some watta? here your ass in a silver platta! woooooooo

darknesss: that made me laugh really loud, but at least my head isn't a fart cloud, i'll tell yo what is wack, you are good at this and thats a fact?

Baboon: its a fact, that you lack, what ya need, to succeed, nows da time, for muh rhyme, to let it clear yer not near, to my throne, here's a bone. silly hater, try me later!

We're not Gonna Be Friends...Are We?

Tracing my fingertips slightly,
Softly against your pillow lips,
Getting lost...swimming in your eyes
A Perfect picture of quiet bliss.

Sunlight breaks through the window,
It's dream-like beam lighting your face
My eyes roaming every inch...every freckle
My broken chest fills up with a silent grace.

The world may crash, and chaos may reign
What time is it out there? Who cares, I'm not alone
Our peaceful corner, this eternal bed
This is all we need to feel at home.

Your touch sends electric currents...jabs
all the way down my back, oh lord, down my legs
My breath ragged, against your neck
Aching for a release, my body begs.

No! Why is the room growing dim?!
Your touch slowly fades, Where did you go...
I see, I have been dreaming again
Mind be damned, I can't let you go.

-Yari 09

I'm not Confusing...really...ish.

I am really not that complicated.

I am just my own worst enemy.

I am shy, despite the front I give everyone. Sure I am the life of the party, the comedian and entertainer...but what you don't know is that inside I am having the mother of all panic attacks and I am struggling to not faint. Meeting new people scares me because in my head what could I possibly have to offer that they would make me an asset?

I can't do large crowds, or walking in the mall. I feel like every eye on the place is on me. I feel out of place. Like millions of others in the world feel I guess. I am not unique. Sure I'm always putting myself down, limiting myself, playing down my good qualities...but today I got to thinking...I'm a pretty badass bitch.

I love so intensely, not like obsessive love...chill ok? I'm talking with anyone! Family, friends...significant other...I want them to see my heart...I want them to see I would never hurt them, ever. I rather suffer a billion times over myself than ever hurt anyone. I try my best to be a good person, to show my love every chance I get. I help all I can, as a friend, as a listener, as just plain ole company.

I am not confusing, just confused.

The Reason Is You

This morning I watched you sleep, as I got dressed for work. I just couldn't believe you were there. I couldn't believe I had just met you 3 days ago. In those few minutes I watched you sleep, I remembered picking you up at the airport and not feeling nervous at all. As if I'd known you all my life, we hugged and you slid into the front seat of my car like routine habit. Our converstion flowed easily...

You made me feel beautiful and happy. Our hugs completed me. Your smile, laugh...eyes...everything was so unbelievably real to me. You reminded me of what it's like to open your heart to someone who is a true friend.

Hence, I cried. I cried before I picked you up to take you back to the airport. I had a knot in my throat the whole way there...We rode silently down the highway. Both of us wanted to keep on going...thelma and louise. I was gonna miss you. I was right. I tried not to cry when you hugged me goodbye. I tried not to sit in my car for the following 20 minutes in front of the terminal crying...I tried not to cry through my short lunch on my way back to work. It all failed. You were gone. The car was empty. I was having a strawberry milkshake, and it made me miss you more.

Thank you for existing. See you soon. I love you.

Free Fallin'

I’m being brave, reckless tonight,
Throwing all caution to the wind
Ready to put up a hell of a fight,
Hoping to God that this time I win.

This eve has no room for fear
Who cares what the future brings?
A grin is stretched from ear to ear
A heart’s alive, and this heart sings.

I’m taking the leap, risking it all
Opening my chest, to let you in.
Do not be afraid, let yourself fall
I’ve opened the door, won’t you come in?

Do you see it too? Look at our sky,
On this nervous night, all stars shine.
Pick one, I’ll get it…I think I can fly
A starlight bouquet, for he who is mine.

Today, for me, there’s no holding back
I sit here beside you, filling the gaps.
Asking that you overlook all I lack,

Just give me the chance, a quiet ‘perhaps’.

-Yari 09

Lifeguard Needed

last night i had a dream

and in it, all joy had left the world

empty cries, broken eyes

last night? i didn't even sleep!

i've been hearing voices, screams,

my bed feels like a turbulent ocean

i fight to free myself, to take a breath

the dawn breaks, i cannot see light.

its been months now, shell of myself,

i chase a familiar shadow, it slips away

if all hope is dead? why do i feel it

still beating forcefully, louder every nite?

The world is broken, I can't fix it

The birds no longer sing, oh!

This is not the end of things,

Just the end of anther cycle for me.

Tomorrow will be better,

Tomorrow will be worse.

But at least there's a tomorrow,

and you're in it. Don't leave.

Man On The Moon

I went home for lunch.

Spent 2 hours of quiet, curled up on the bed, halfway between falling asleep and making sure I wasn't late coming back to work. My room was so cold...it was so bright. Those of you who talked to me during lunch know I've been feeling a lil down on myself lately. Trying to get over this funk, to be Yari again and be the comic relief. Today was definately better than yesterday. Little things that make your day better.

Of course my lunch time was over too soon, so I hop in the car and listen to a few songs that make me feel hopeful, mushy. Of course anyone who knows me, knows I'm a total sucker for certain songs, and hell yes I'll admit I cried all the way to McDonald's (i THINK they were happy tears), and order a salad...because...a burger would've made my tummy a mess. So as I sit there waiting in the drive-thru my mind goes warp speed through a million things: gotta get outta this funk, gonna do something fun this weekend, gotta calm down and enjoy the ride, man i don't feel like working, wtf is that lady wearing?, mmm burgers ugh why did i order a salad, man i hope the mouse is dead when i get home, what am i gonna cook for dinner, *looks at cell phone* *sighs*, i miss kelly, i wanna go back home and play guitar, god i cant wait till payday, man i gotta pay rent, crap i could use a drink or 20, i shouldnt really drink and i should take my diabetes meds, im gonna die young, why isn't this line moving?, i gotta book that flight to vegas-are we still on?, god i better get money in at work or doc's gonna skin me alive, why am i still sniffly?, my boobs look awesome today, oh where's the money?! *pays cashier*, great now another 20 minutes for my food, i should go walk in the park, i wanna have a conf tonite-private one?, i wonder if i have enough money in the bank, oh hey! we're moving! im next!, god i bet she's gonna screw up the drink DIET DIET DIET coke!, my hair is so short, man i gotta hang out with mom, god i gotta call arelys...and lisa...and becky...and cathy, im a crappy friend, god im happy, man im sad.

Then, its finally my turn, my glorious turn. Time stops...as I pull up to the window, all my worries are gone for a few seconds while she hands me my lunch. It is in this exact moment, that I realize, maybe I'm not the only one with shit in my head...because out of little old mexican lady's mouth I hear the following words: "This is the mind boggling question of my day. How can we put a man on the moon...but CocaCola can't make drinks that ARENT fizzy??!!'...she says as she wipes down my cup of soda that apparently sprayed all over her.

There it is. Ladies and gentlemen. The planet on the verge of chaos, me worrying over nothing really...and she's wondering why the soda is fizzy. She manages to leave me speechless. I've stopped sniffling. I am in utter disbelief. Did I just hear that right? She laughs and says "have a good day, come back soon!"...I'm still shaking my head trying to make sense of her question...I pull out into traffic still mulling over those words. WTF is she TALKING about?! I open my straw, and with almost extreme giddiness I slide it in my uber gigantic foam cup. Here it is...my Diet Coke fix...fuck her and her statement. I take a sip.....taste taste ahhhh.....errrmmm.....

She gave me a regular Coke. Son of a bitch.

Bubble Trouble

I swallowed a piece of gum today.

One second you're chewing along, enjoying minty flavor explosions-like tiny orgasms-in your mouth...the next you get this horrid feeling that you've lost all control. There it is, the struggle between the back/side of your tongue, battling for control of the slippery fiend trying to slide down into the depths of the unknown. For a second it almost looks like you're winning, you can feel the piece of mint goodness coming back up and then...there it is, slips down before you realize it's even happened.

Then that involuntary gag reflex appears, the one you get when you know you've swallowed something that wasn't supposed to be inside mouth any further than the back of your throat...I would make comparison's to something that sounds like gum but...oh wait. ANYWAYS, there you sit with this disgusted look on your face, feeling like someone just flushed your stomach with bleach...and in the back of your mind your mother's voice yelling "Did you swallow that gum?? What have I told you? Now it's gonna get stuck to your intestines and make a clump and you're shit's gonna back up and you're gonna die!"...All this from a piece of Trident?!

All of a sudden, it hits you. This isn't the first piece of gum you've swallowed, is it? I sit there panicking, counting in my head and pretty sure this is my 876th piece if swallowed. Not only that, now I'm wondering where all the foreign things I've swallowed are...sure I crapped that penny out when I was 5...but where was the paperclip? Where was the sewing needle? Then there was that Polly Pocket miniature god-this-might-as-well-be-an-ant doll...how many million watermelon seeds?? If my mom was right, I should have quite a watermelon patch growing inside my stomach by now! I knew I wasn't fat! Yeah! So what if I swallowed a fly once?! ...

I probably have a gigantic ball made out of chewing gum, seeds, needles and a fly living in my stomach...next to the poptart I had 20 minutes ago...

Hell with it, one day I'll fart a hell of a bubble eh? *chews on new piece of gum*