4.01.2009

Bubble Trouble



I swallowed a piece of gum today.


One second you're chewing along, enjoying minty flavor explosions-like tiny orgasms-in your mouth...the next you get this horrid feeling that you've lost all control. There it is, the struggle between the back/side of your tongue, battling for control of the slippery fiend trying to slide down into the depths of the unknown. For a second it almost looks like you're winning, you can feel the piece of mint goodness coming back up and then...there it is, slips down before you realize it's even happened.

Then that involuntary gag reflex appears, the one you get when you know you've swallowed something that wasn't supposed to be inside mouth any further than the back of your throat...I would make comparison's to something that sounds like gum but...oh wait. ANYWAYS, there you sit with this disgusted look on your face, feeling like someone just flushed your stomach with bleach...and in the back of your mind your mother's voice yelling "Did you swallow that gum?? What have I told you? Now it's gonna get stuck to your intestines and make a clump and you're shit's gonna back up and you're gonna die!"...All this from a piece of Trident?!

All of a sudden, it hits you. This isn't the first piece of gum you've swallowed, is it? I sit there panicking, counting in my head and pretty sure this is my 876th piece if swallowed. Not only that, now I'm wondering where all the foreign things I've swallowed are...sure I crapped that penny out when I was 5...but where was the paperclip? Where was the sewing needle? Then there was that Polly Pocket miniature god-this-might-as-well-be-an-ant doll...how many million watermelon seeds?? If my mom was right, I should have quite a watermelon patch growing inside my stomach by now! I knew I wasn't fat! Yeah! So what if I swallowed a fly once?! ...

I probably have a gigantic ball made out of chewing gum, seeds, needles and a fly living in my stomach...next to the poptart I had 20 minutes ago...

Hell with it, one day I'll fart a hell of a bubble eh? *chews on new piece of gum*

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