Opposite End: I Tried

I've been known to not be a very optimistic person. Please, please, do not show such shock in your faces at this great revelation.

However, after spending most of my life making wishes that never come true and hoping for the best, only to be met by utter disappointment, I can honestly say I'm the chubby, human version of a Phoenix. As much as I hate to admit it, I still have high hopes in certain things. Almost like standing at the edge of a cliff, waiting for the right sign that it's okay to jump. That it'll all end well.

I'm not saying I just sit here, with both my thumbs safely tucked in my rectum, waiting for things to just HAPPEN for me without me working on them. I don't spend my days wondering why my life is not the fairytale I wanted, because life is all about the tiny happy moments that make every other long periods of misery worth living through. Do I get sick of trying and caring for people that in the end weren't worth it? Well, yeah. Do I have depression and other mental health issues? Who the hell doesn't. Just because I get in a funk for a few days, weeks or months at a time, it doesn't mean I'm weak or stupid. We all have issues. We all deal with them in different ways. We all have grief we carry close to our heart. We are not unique, yet we are not the same.

Naturally, I try to be understanding when I meet someone that sits there and tells me there's no sense in trying anymore. I've felt it. I've lived it. Maybe I'm the one that's stupid for still trying to make something good happen. But, sometimes, by completely giving up and losing hope that anything will ever change, you shut out the new day that's dawning. The things that simply fall on your lap when you least expected them. You shut out someone that's not out to hurt you, that's not out to lie to you, and ultimately - you end up laying in the empty, cold bed you made for yourself. It's no one else's fault. You did this to yourself.

And in the process...you end up hurting people that really do, deep down, care about you. That wanted to show you, that you don't have to take a blind jump into the unknown. Not everyone wants to rush you into new things, or to change who you are. There is such a thing as accepting everyone how they are and loving them for it. No one wants to be with someone that makes you change or that you have to pretend to be something you're not in order to not be so alone.

I guess I only tried to help. But to meet someone that's at the opposite end, where I usually am when I'm feeling lost and ready to give up, has made me sad. Because, I want to fix something that's not my job to fix. I want to show that it's okay to still try again. To have some sort of wish or dream to work towards. To keep getting up when you're down.

I could tell you to it gets better, friend. But you and I know it doesn't. There's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But hey, what else are we going to do? Roll over and die? I guess...

But then we'd miss the cake and ice cream. Let's hang in there for the cake and ice cream, shall we?