Payday springs upon me once again.
I have promises to keep, even if the ones made to me are broken on an hourly basis. I will not use it as an excuse to pay back lies with lies.
What does it say about me when I know what someone's doing behind my back, and I'm not even mad anymore? I just shrug it off and think 'Nothing new'. Should I be mad? Should I demand only the best, or at least the equality of what I put into something? Why can't I bring myself to be like every other girl I know, and throw a full blown tantrum? I can't even bring it up and discuss it like adults because, well, I'm afraid of someone being offended that I found out all the dirty laundry. What matters? Shouldn't they be glad I accept them regardless? I only want to address the fact that I'm not stupid, so don't pee on me and tell me it's raining. Actually, don't pee on me at all. That's gross.
I slithered to my desk this morning, and Fabulosos Cadillacs "Calaveras Y Diablitos" was playing on my phone. I thought of home. On a morning like this, in September, this song would be blaring in my friend's stereo while 7 of us were crammed into David's 1994, mint-green Toyota Tercel on our way to the beach. Everyone's elbow sticking to your side, someone would fart, street-racing against a beat up Civic...yeah. Teenager lameness. Get to the beach, fire up the BBQ pits, and music blaring from the open trunk of the car. Waxing the boards (oh, the days when I was fit enough to surf...I digress) and zipping up the suits was done methodically, while the smell of sea, sunblock and grilled meat filled the air. Bliss. I can almost hear the water splashing, the voices of my friends screaming and singing, and I feel the motion of the waves as I sat on that board waiting, feet dangling in the water.
Island living, disrupted by the sound of my phone ringing at my desk. The song has stopped. I'm staring at my dual monitor set up and I hear Steven's voice in the hallway talking to someone about some servers. Now LIT's 'Completely Miserable' starts playing and it makes sense.
The long weekend is almost here. So. That's something.
this will sound harsh...people are natural opportunists. dont look to them to appreciate you. they are not thinking of you, they are thinking of them so you are doing no one a favor for loving them regardless of what they do as you will be treated the way you allow them to treat you. Life's not fair, trust me, when a child can get fucked over by the person who is supposed to protect them, its not fair at all but theres nothing anyone but the selfish natural opportunist can do to fix it. and natural opportunists rarely see their own flaws. Stop thinking of everyone else and just make yourself happy.
ReplyDeleteyou're smart. thank you <3
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