I Have The Right

I have the rights...the back up. But I do not have the voice.

I have the right to want to be left alone. To choose who I feel like talking to and who I don't. The right to think you're stupid, even if you're my friend. The right to feel hurt. The right to want and expect more out of things...not just settle and play understanding, patient all the time.

Why do I take the time, to tip toe around and make everything comfortable for others? Why? I don't get the same back. In the smallest ways, I bend over backwards to do what I'm told to do, to ensure you're getting out of this more than the 50% you're putting in. 50%...right...

Oh the irony...my coworker just walked in here talking about how life is all about compromise. Compromise. What a concept. Tit for tat. This for that. I'll do this for you and you'll do this for me. Healthy. Balanced.

I'm sorry I'm not your ideal. I'm sorry every now and then I seem to have this crazy notion that maybe I should expect more out of something I'm pouring myself completely into. I'm sorry I even try to speak my mind, most the time. Because the truth is...

You'd hate my mind. If I were honest. You'd hate it. You'd hate every detail about me. If you really knew the amounts of resentment and issues locked in there that I smile through and push aside, you would all hate me.

But, no. I'm nice Yari. The listener, the patient, the bend over for you, make it easy for you chick. As soon as I ask to be someone in your life. For recognition. For thanks. For validation...I get the "You knew this is what you signed up for" or the "Why are you selfish?"

I don't need anyone. I don't need anything. It may be void. It may be empty. But at least I don't have the need to ask for anything from anyone that will give it begrudgingly.

Oh and Ryan Dunn...sorry you're gone man. But drinking leads to that. So. Another man gone. Go be a Jackass wherever you are now. I always wanted to hug you...then knee you in the nuts.