'...and I wonder if I ever cross your mind, to me it happens all the time.'
The heart is a treacherous thing. It doesn't care for the plans you have set forth for the day, or your whole life. It ignores sanity, reason and the logical answer to the things that cross your path.
My head told me not to trust it, to not forget all the lessons learned with heartache in the past. But I got caught up in the words, the promises and the dreams I had put to sleep years ago, that you managed to bring back to life. You turned out to be a snake, a lying snake that was good for nothing more than putting doubt in my heart. Ruining my peace, what little bit I had left. For teaching me, once and for all, that I need to never open up again. To anyone.
I never wish ill upon any person, not even someone who has wronged me in the foulest of ways. My only wish for you, is that you find someone that will treat you with the kindness you treated me. Someone with the exact same cold, calculated, pre-planned plot you had in store for me. I want you to fall, and fall hard. To dream. Finally, I don't have to wish you end up with a dagger in your heart...like I did. Because, with the way you are and treat people, I don't have to wish for an end like that for you. It is a certainty. You WILL hurt. I will be gone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now then!
I dyed my hair black, as you can see below:
My head told me not to trust it, to not forget all the lessons learned with heartache in the past. But I got caught up in the words, the promises and the dreams I had put to sleep years ago, that you managed to bring back to life. You turned out to be a snake, a lying snake that was good for nothing more than putting doubt in my heart. Ruining my peace, what little bit I had left. For teaching me, once and for all, that I need to never open up again. To anyone.
I never wish ill upon any person, not even someone who has wronged me in the foulest of ways. My only wish for you, is that you find someone that will treat you with the kindness you treated me. Someone with the exact same cold, calculated, pre-planned plot you had in store for me. I want you to fall, and fall hard. To dream. Finally, I don't have to wish you end up with a dagger in your heart...like I did. Because, with the way you are and treat people, I don't have to wish for an end like that for you. It is a certainty. You WILL hurt. I will be gone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now then!
I dyed my hair black, as you can see below:
Nothing to write home about, but I like it a bit better than the reddish brown I had.
I will now go to the store, and fend off the masses in a quick grocery shopping excursion.
I feel nauseous and God knows what else. I keep being told it gets better, easier, what have ya. But I don't see it happening any time soon. Meanwhile I'll use this to vent, because it's cheaper than a shrink and medication. Part of me wants a Dr. Who/Firefly/Star Trek/Futurama/Primeval/IT Crowd/Torchwood marathon that never ends. But that part of me also wants things that are unattainable.
I feel like lighting my books and my guitars on fire, watching them burn until the end and burying myself under 6 feet of wet sand. I miss my music player, which took a dump on me.
I miss so much, but why bother. Nothing misses me.
I will now go to the store, and fend off the masses in a quick grocery shopping excursion.
I feel nauseous and God knows what else. I keep being told it gets better, easier, what have ya. But I don't see it happening any time soon. Meanwhile I'll use this to vent, because it's cheaper than a shrink and medication. Part of me wants a Dr. Who/Firefly/Star Trek/Futurama/Primeval/IT Crowd/Torchwood marathon that never ends. But that part of me also wants things that are unattainable.
I feel like lighting my books and my guitars on fire, watching them burn until the end and burying myself under 6 feet of wet sand. I miss my music player, which took a dump on me.
I miss so much, but why bother. Nothing misses me.
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