I have a way with my words. Oh, and what a way it is!
I say too much, or not enough. I think I'm saying it right, and I try my best to ignore the little voice in the back of my head reminding me how my words usually end up being received on past occasions. Disaster.
It's hard to come off sane, being me. People tell me to be honest and never, ever, be afraid of saying what I think or feel. But it's hard. It's a fine line to walk on...and to be in the receiving end is much worse. Sometimes others are being honest with me and, again, that little voice in my head that resists against any kind of compliment or sweet gesture forces me to raise my eyebrow doubting what they are telling me. Or perhaps I feel I don't deserve it, not good enough to hear it...Maybe, I'm just tired and afraid. I've accepted them before and let people in, to quickly find it was just a cruel maneuver for a greater mean.
But I guess I have to work on that and hope that whatever cynicism is left in the world bypasses me a few more times.
I'm going to bed, and if it's like last night...I'm in for another eventful evening of waking up screaming, or crying. I don't wanna dream anymore.
“I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?” - John Lennon
I say too much, or not enough. I think I'm saying it right, and I try my best to ignore the little voice in the back of my head reminding me how my words usually end up being received on past occasions. Disaster.
It's hard to come off sane, being me. People tell me to be honest and never, ever, be afraid of saying what I think or feel. But it's hard. It's a fine line to walk on...and to be in the receiving end is much worse. Sometimes others are being honest with me and, again, that little voice in my head that resists against any kind of compliment or sweet gesture forces me to raise my eyebrow doubting what they are telling me. Or perhaps I feel I don't deserve it, not good enough to hear it...Maybe, I'm just tired and afraid. I've accepted them before and let people in, to quickly find it was just a cruel maneuver for a greater mean.
But I guess I have to work on that and hope that whatever cynicism is left in the world bypasses me a few more times.
I'm going to bed, and if it's like last night...I'm in for another eventful evening of waking up screaming, or crying. I don't wanna dream anymore.
Accept the compliments, you deserve them :)
ReplyDelete