A Better Side Of You To Admire

There's a couple walking by the river. Arms linked. They're young...maybe mid to late 20's. He tucks her hair behind her ear and kisses her forehead. She simply nudges his nose with hers. They keep walking, stopping every few steps to look at the water or remind each other they're together, with a soft gesture. Pretty soon, darkness engulfs them in the distance...and they blend into the reflections and shadows at the end of the walkaway.

I stare at my half full...half empty...half a glass of some blue martini. It doesn't even taste right anymore. I push the full cup of soup away from me and look back out towards the river flowing quietly, carrying it with it troubling secrets under it's surface...downstream...away from here. The ferry floats by like an illuminated ghost. Red bulbs. White bulbs. Sloshing away. Saturday night. Somewhere to go. The napkin falls off my lap onto the floor. I leave it there.

I pay my tab...for half a martini and three spoonfuls of soup. Yet, it feels like I paid with my entire soul. I look at the river again, it looks darker and I catch my reflection on the glass windows. It's almost comical. I take a picture, and instagram it. Because I feel the need to capture the loneliness I'm exuding, staring back at me. Or maybe to remind myself of what I've always thought as a child: No one should have dinner alone. I grab my wallet and slide out of the booth, hands already tucked in my hoodie and looking at the floor as I quickly make my way out of the restaurant. The young host said goodnight as I passed him, and I barely registered it...simply nodding at him in a rush towards my room.

The elevator doors opened, releasing me into the confines of a narrow hallway...

I walked into my room and my curtains were drawn, revealing the view out at the river...the old bridge crossing it. The couple was making their way back from their walk, this time their arms around each other...sort of playing with each other's feet and laughing.

Closing the curtains, I turned and faced the empty hotel room. And that's where I found myself. Not by the river. Not at home. Not with anyone. A large, two bed hotel room...full of darkness and cold. For one person.

I miss you.