My mood ring has changed colors at least 3 times today.
It was black when I walked into work.
A soft rose, amber color at lunch while I was away from everything.
Back to black when lunch was over.
I have no other feelings right now, other than feeling discouraged and disappointed. My life has been an endless parade of pats on the back, pep talks, supportive sermons, favors, selfless giving and listening for the last couple of months now. I usually don't mind, I mean, that's what good friends are for. Right?
It just seems like I waste so much time and energy on those who simply do not want to change. So it doesn't matter how hard I try to break through...to rise above...to better myself...Every day, I find myself stuck in the same conversations. Every day I get slapped in the face by someone who I had high hopes for. I know the people I love are smart. They know better. So how infuriating is it to give all I have to give...only for them to not even show a little bit of will power to help themselves.
My mood right doesn't lie. I'm sick of shallowness and insecurities. Of the incessant whine fest. What's worse? When I am needing to be sad, once again, I am not allowed. They DARE make me feel selfish for needing my own time and space. For showing signs of fatigue.
How can people live through life being so goddamn selfish? Ignorant. Buffoons. Leeches. I am happiest when I am allowed to be myself and when I at least have the satisfaction of knowing that all my time and love spent on others, went for a good cause. It made their life better. It changed them for something positive.
Stop using me. Please. By God. Stop using me. My real friend is my guitar. My real friend is a book. My real friend, knows something is wrong, without me even showing signs of it.
Here's a quarter. Call someone who cares.
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