The Hamster Never Stops

I sometimes wonder if there are others out there like me. People that as long as they are awake, they have a series of thoughts running through their heads. No down time. No relaxation. Always thinking.

For that matter is there any one out there that can survive months at a time on 3 hours sleep at night? Crashing occasionally on a Saturday and sleeping 6 hours?

This thought came to me earlier as I was dusting my dresser and putting my laundry away. Even then, my brain could not just focus on the task at hand. One specific moment that sort of infuriated me with myself was when I was on my knees, picking up some lose change that had rolled under the bed after refusing to stay in my pocket earlier in the day. As I was contorting my body to fit between the large dresser and the bed, and under the god forsaken bed...like a goddamn gymnast of sorts...I found myself thinking about 4 or 5 different things. One of them was updating all my blogs, and putting down some design ideas I had for them. Another was about 3 songs I wanted to record, tonight if possible. A stray thought went to my San Antonio trip that will take place 2 weeks from now and how nice it would be to spend time with a good friend. I was also counting the change as I picked it up and admiring the design on the back of the pennies...which sort of was very patriotic...which led me to think of Captain America's shield...which then prompted me to think of how excited I am to watch Captain America this summer...which for some reason shot me into thinking of how cute John Krasinski (Jim from The Office) would look as Captain America...and then I thought of that adorable, helpless look Jim has when he looks at the camera at times during The Office...which then had me smiling like an idiot and awwww'ing in my head because my friend Roy has that look at times too. Then I was thinking I needed to vacuum. But first I needed to grab my laptop, so I could blog about how I always felt like writing down my thoughts....AAAAHHH!!!!

Am I the only person that would go absolutely insane, not so much for the lack of sleep, but due to any inability to express what I think of on a daily basis? If I did not have Twitter or my blog or my music...I would be lost. Not because I necessarily need any of you to read this to feel validated. Not because I need anyone replying to my most boring and mundane tweets to feel like I matter in the world. But my reason for sharing, sometimes a bit too much, is simply because I would like to think that the reason that thoughts and feelings pop into my crammed head...is so they can be put out there in the Universe. Even if no one acknowledges them, they're out there...floating into space and not taking up all the GB space in my tiny brain.

Hell, even now, I am in the middle of watching a zombie movie and my mind did a few hundred things, wrote a few dozen verses for a song and managed to remember that I wanted to write this earlier in my blog and simply got carried away with something unimportant...like staring at that gnat that's flying around my room driving me insane.

You, out there, taking your time to read this or my tweets or listening to my songs...or watching my videos. Thank you. For not letting me simply be white noise in the world.

Perhaps humanity in general would be in better shape if people simply took the time to express themselves in other ways other than killing each other or hate.

Back to zombies. I'm sure no sleep will come tonight...but if it does, know this:

I am dreaming, good or bad...and even in the middle of those dreams and heavy sleep, I am thinking of you.

P.S. Before I clicked 'Publish Post', I got up and walked around the kitchen in the dark because I felt like I would explode if I laid in bed for 4 more seconds. Then I went and brushed my teeth...again. Because I felt like it needed to be done...again. Then I looked at my clothes for tomorrow and felt fat. Then I made a promise to myself to go run at night for a bit tomorrow. Then I coughed and my ovaries hurt. I thought of never having kids. Then I came back to bed and found the perfect Jim face and plastered it on my post. Then I posted this.