This Time...No.

You stepped out in the rain where I had been standing in for hours, looking at you through a glass window playing a show to a coffee house crowd.

I was afraid to look in your eyes, so I just stared at the floor around your feet and whispered "I'm confused". Your voice was quiet, apologetic and short..."I know. I'm sorry."

I wiped my nose with my sleeve, and realized for the first time since I was standing there that I was cold. I nodded, still looking at the floor. "Ok" was all I managed to mumble back before I turned around and started walking down the streets. Rain sloshing everywhere. I wasn't sad. I was angry. My phone vibrated and I read your text message "You knew this was what you signed up for." I shoved the phone in my back pocket, you were right. What could I say.

I hailed a cab, the driver was an older Cuban man with a big cigar and postcards of La Habana all over his roof. I told him to take me to the party and that he smelled like my grandfather, sweet vanilla and tobacco smell. He dropped me off at a coliseum and gave me $5.00 to get me something to eat, and for a second, he was grandpa. He drove off and I felt like I missed the opportunity to catch up and see how he was doing.

I walked into the party, and there were beautiful glittery purple balloons everywhere. Everyone was dressed in black and neon blue, dancing to smooth jazz and wearing flip flops. I walked to the center of the dance floor and looked up at the disco ball, sparkling specks reflecting all over my face. I missed you already. I pushed you out of my head and pulled a flask out of my jacket pocket, and downed it in one try. I threw the flask at a blonde across the dance floor and hit her on the nose. I was escorted out, into the desert. An owl was on my shoulder and it told me to go sleep...and I told it to fuck off. It blinked and flew off. I giggled. I missed you more.

So I went to the end of a rock formation, and heard coyotes howling in the distance. It scared me. I looked at your picture in my phone and let my body tip forward off the cliff and down into whatever awaited me at the bottom.

I'm really tired.