Love Grows

"Love isn't always there. Love isn't born, it grows."

I remember the slight hurt and shock I felt when I heard mom say those words to me when I was 10. She had been talking about how stubborn she was when she was engaged to dad. That he annoyed her with his persistence, and his being 4 years younger than her. I cringed further when she stated she had accepted dad's engagement ring because she felt pity for him...because it was the right thing to do. Shortly thereafter, during a small argument about dad not having enough money to buy her an ice cream cone, she had returned the ring to him...leaving him devastated in the driveway of the old house.

That night, my grandmother had given my mom a stern talking and shout fest. Told mom that the world didn't revolve around her pride and capricious ways. That she had to grow up and do the right thing...stop toying with a man's emotions. To pick...once and for all...all in or all out. Mom went to my dad the next day and felt bad that he was so broken so she asked for the ring back. Dad was beyond happy...time moved forward and they got married. Mom says no sex was had during the honeymoon, and even after that it was sporadic. She didn't feel any attraction to him, just fondness. Years went by. I was born. I remember them always holding hands everywhere...dad worshiped the ground mom stood, pretty much. I remember her devoting herself to me and doing a lot of the silent treatment to him.

When I was 12, Grandma died (Mom's mom) and things got strained between my folks. A few years later, when I was 16/17, Dad left us. Mom was mess. At first I blamed her, for being cold to him...for being, in nice words, a real bitch. I thought she got what she deserved. To be alone and miserable and forgotten. But...then I thought of that conversation. Of how she hadn't even married him out of love, just duty. So I asked her...why did she care now? She simply said "I grew to love him. To need him. To consider him my best friend, my partner and my prince charming. I grew to trust he would be there until we would die. Yari, I got on my knees and begged him to stay, the last night he was here. ME. On my KNEES." I just looked away and said "We're better off, Mom".

That picture up there is one of my favorite picture of my parents. I don't know when it was taken...but they look happy. Both of them. Care free. Somewhere between no love to heart breaking divorce, that picture was taken. Oddly enough...that's how they look now. That happy.

Was all the other bullshit necessary, to find happily ever after?