Glycerine

I'm never alone...I'm alone all the time

People always seem to have the primal urge to let you know you're not alone. The human desire to nurture those in pain or those who are unprotected, vulnerable is something we all feel at some point towards someone we care for in our life.

While I have been on the end where I pester others who are in a funk, where I try to tell them it'll be ok and at least make light of a dark situation...The reality is we are alone. Even when surrounded, our own mind separates us from any connection that maybe once made us feel alive. Even when people are just a text away, or a call away...even right next to you...how is it possible to feel the echo of one's own thoughts bouncing off the emptiness we're living in?

While I appreciate the well wishes, and I know I can trust most of you to be there for me...it doesn't mean I should automatically feel like I'm positioned in the middle a giant group hug. For one thing, the people I want to hug most some days, aren't even in the same state as I am. Some are even off the mainland. Does that mean they say they're here for me, but in reality they aren't? No. It just means that the capacity I need them in, can't possibly be met by a greeting on a phone. Distance hurts...and it hurts more when I have built this cave I'm hiding in.

Everyone is waiting for me to come out...to rejoin the festivities. Truth of the matter is I don't really have energy or desire to do so for now or in the foreseeable future. I just want to be let feel the things I want to.

I spread myself too thin...in too many different directions. Now I have lost myself and I'm not getting my pieces back from the places where I left them.

What is there left to share with anyone, today? A shell of who I used to be. A ghost that wakes up every day and tries the best to simply survive.

Would you be so kind as to give me part of me back?