Happy Failures Day

Today is National Failures Day. Yes, Hallmark has found a way to take a normal August day and make a celebration out of screw ups. They even have a little blurb on their website about what these "failures" may be...Burning toast...Knocking over a bookcase...

To my intense displeasure, I found no "Hey I'm sorry I killed your cat while picking you up for a date" cards or "Please forgive me for throwing you under the bus at work to make myself look good" posters. Oh Hallmark, you sack of failure. HA! Get yourself a card.

I haven't had many failures, as I only categorize under that label things that have resulted in a permanent black mark in my life card. Things you can't undo no matter how much time goes by. You simply learn to live with them and learn your lesson, hopefully. That's a failure. The rest of the unfortunate situations are merely that. Lessons. Situations. Periods in life. You look back one day and shake your head at how less than brilliant you were.

Moments that weren't my finest:

- Eating a powdered donut I was specifically told not to eat until after dinner, then lying about being the one that ate it with my face and shirt covered in powdered sugar. (Age 4)

- Getting mad at my mother and packing undies, a princess Jasmine nightie, my Smurfs collection into a tiny pink bin...then dramatically telling her I was running away forever...making it 30 feet from my driveway and down the road and running back around crying because Mom said "I guess I'll have to find a new daughter to love and give all your stuff to..." (Age 4)

- Shaving off my best friend Arelys's eyebrows. Completely off. (Age 7)

- Spinning my best friend David around a parking lot, while he sat inside a shopping cart, so fast that he flew out of it and hit his head on a light post...then bribing him with a dollar to not tell my parents what I did. (Age 8)

- Getting an incontrollable fit of loud giggling with my two younger cousins at a funeral, when I pictured me throwing a purple Teletubbie plush I had into the open coffin across the room. (Age 11)

- Learning to skateboard just to impress a guy I had a crush on, and falling repeatedly on my ass while wearing a skirt uniform from school. Dusting myself off from one of my falls and finding him making out with my best friend at the time. (Age 14)

So on...so forth...just moments in time.

Happy Failures Day. Whatever that means. I know what it means. And there's nothing happy about it.