Maybes

My feet were tangled, with my thin flannel sheet wrapped around them. I kicked hard, trying frantically to free myself, and my arms reached out into nothingness at the same time. I was looking for something, someone, anything. Suddenly, I was falling and there was nothing I could do to stop it. What felt like a long free fall, was actually just a 2ft fall from the couch to the floor...landing hard on my side with my wrist twisted the opposite way. I felt it pop and gasped out in pain. I laid there for a few minutes, letting the pain in my wrist slowly subside -at least it wasn't broken- and allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness around me. My hand good hand reached over to the dull, green blinking light a few feet from my head. A swift slide of my thumb and the screen on my phone came to life, temporarily blinding me, but showing me the time. 2:25 a.m.

I crawled back up and got on the couch, staring at the ceiling...or where I know the ceiling is...since it was pitch black. My mind drifted to the reason I woke up in a panic.

I had been walking through a park in Pennsylvania, down a long path lined with orange and red trees. My favorite season engulfed me, and the cold air nipped at my nose. I hurried along, hands in my pockets and my black combat boots crunched the leaves underneath my feet. All of a sudden I heard her talking next to me, coming out of nowhere. I looked over and it was my sister Cathy, wearing a gorgeous dark green coat and a Kermit the Frog beanie. She reached for my hand and I held on to her cold fingers as we kept walking into the forest. She said it was a weird year, a year for growth and for change. She walked with me all the way to the edge of a noisy stream, picked up my hand and kissed my fingers, slowly, one by one. Her green eyes peered into mine, and I felt a cold run up my spine. She whispered, "Keep your eyes open, gorgeous. Don't get lost trying to chase ghosts." Just like that, she disappeared between the trees and the leaves around me rustled eerily.

I crossed the stream, it wasn't deep. The water was cold, but my feet stayed dry...I only assumed the water was cold because my toes felt cooler as I walked through it. When I reached the other side, I looked around me and it had started snowing. The snow had this iridescence quality to it, so it looked like everything was covered in purplish pink cotton candy. He stepped out into the clearing, dressed in black...all black and a gray baseball cap. He rubbed his hands together, blowing into them, shaking off the cold and snow. He seemed happy to see me, and walked up to me, giving me a tight hug. I tried kissing him, but he turned his face and just gave me a sad smile while whispering "Let's go for a walk, Yar." My stomach churned, and some crows made a ruckus in the distance. He tugged at my hand, it seems I had slowed down. "You already know what I'm going to say, though, don't you." I simply nodded, and waited. "I just had certain plans I wanted to achieve in life, babe. Maybe I'm not meant to want more. Maybe happiness is relative. I want to work on some projects and...well starting over in life would never allow me to accomplish them. Maybe things aren't bad enough to go chasing after 'maybes', ya know?" I swallowed hard and nodded rapidly, looking at my feet as we walked further away...the stream was barely audible by now. I wiped the tears off and I heard him sigh.

When I looked up to say something, he was about 100 yards away and getting farther. I called after him and was torn between chasing...and letting go. I tried lifting my foot, and roots had coiled around it...around both my legs, actually. I struggled to break free, but I started to slide down a hill. I called out his name, he was close enough to hear me still, surely. No answer. I slid faster and a root snaked around my neck as the other ones pulled me by my feet. I reached out and as I fell off the side off the cliff, I felt his foot stomp down on my hand to hold me in place off the side...My wrist popped. I looked up, and once he made sure our eyes had connected, he lifted his foot and I fell into darkness...

And woke up on the floor, with a sore wrist and my chest on fire.

It's been a while since the nightmares made their rounds...